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In recent years, many local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledg v.3

In recent years, many local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development? 3
Shopping malls have replaced local businesses in many parts of the world. Most people find it more convenient to but everything they need at one place. As a result, small shops no longer make enough money so they end up closing. I find this extremely negative for a number of reasons. The first reason is that small shops are owned by locals who worked hard to build their businesses. So they are usually more inclined to keep higher standards of customer service so as not to lose their loyal customers. While malls usually have chain shops which are more oriented towards marketing and not towards the actual benefits or needs of the community. For instance, a local supermarket normally contains produce from local farms so it affects the economy of the town itself. In contrast, a hyper marker in a shopping center sells produce from farms that are not necessarily local or even national. Thus small businesses affect not only the lives of their owners and workers, but also the economical streams in the town. Another reason is that domestics businesses, especially those which have been owned by successive generations, become a part of the town' s culture and heritage. For example, every town has its own authentic restaurants and cafes which serve their unique food and drinks. Tourists are more attracted to eat at said places as opposed to dining at the food court of the shopping center. Furthermore, clothing shops at small towns usually employ young designers who start their careers domestically. The closing of these clothing shops makes it extremely challenging for the majority of those designers who might struggle to get a job in large apparel companies which open at shopping malls. In conclusion, shopping centers have taken the place of domestic shops in many towns. Unfortunately, such development has some drawbacks which affect the economy, job market and livelihood of local residents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shopping
malls have replaced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
find it more convenient to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everything they need at one place.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up closing. I find this
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
for a number of reasons.

The
first
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
who worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to build their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they are
usually
more inclined to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
higher standards of customer service
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as not to lose their loyal customers. While malls
usually
have chain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
which are more oriented towards marketing and not towards the actual benefits or needs of the community.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
supermarket
normally
contains produce from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
farms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it affects the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
itself.
In contrast
, a hyper marker in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center sells produce from farms that are not
necessarily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
or even national.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
affect not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of their owners and workers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the economical streams in the town.

Another reason is that domestics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
,
especially
those which have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by successive generations, become a part of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
town&
#039; s culture and heritage.
For example
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
authentic restaurants and
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
which serve their unique food and drinks. Tourists are more attracted to eat at said places as opposed to dining at the food court of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
center.
Furthermore
, clothing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
usually
employ young designers who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their careers
domestically
. The closing of these clothing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
extremely
challenging for the majority of those designers who might struggle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job in large apparel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which open at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
centers have taken the place of domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
towns
. Unfortunately, such development has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks which affect the economy, job market and livelihood of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In recent years, many local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or malls to do their shopping. Is this a positive or negative development? 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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