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Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force Do you agree or disagree v.2

Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force v. 2
There is an opinion among a group of people police service must not employ female gender. I totally disagree with the notion because women should have equal rights for applying for any job including police forces. First and foremost, nowadays our society is taking course of equality of genders where everyone in spite on his sex should have the same rights for employment including military and police forces. Thus, if a woman has a desire and certain qualification she should have an opportunity to work in law enforcement. For instance, one of my former classmates graduated from a police academy and now she is successfully working in a local police office. Secondly, womankind being more responsible and accurate, tending to obey rules more than men do. Employment of females will bring some balance to the police service, especially if they will work in pairs with males. As well as this, studies shows that women are the best bodyguards as they have a faster reaction. Thus, it will probably decrease risk during capture operations. Even working as an investigator a female officer may pay attention to some details, which a male officer can miss. In conclusion, I completely disagree that it should be forbidden for females to work in a police service. In my opinion, both genders are equal and women can carry police duties as good as men can. Consequently, it is recommend providing job opportunity for both genders equally based on qualification of an employee.
There is an opinion among a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
service
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
gender. I
totally
disagree with the notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
women should have equal rights for applying for any job including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
forces.

First
and foremost, nowadays our society is taking course of equality of genders where everyone in spite on his sex should have the same rights for employment including military and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
forces.
Thus
, if a woman has a desire and certain qualification she should have an opportunity to work in law enforcement.
For instance
, one of my former classmates graduated from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
academy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
she is
successfully
working in a local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
office.

Secondly
, womankind being more responsible and accurate, tending to obey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
more than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
do. Employment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
balance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
service,
especially
if they will work in pairs with males.
As well
as this, studies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that women are the best bodyguards as they have a faster reaction.
Thus
, it will
probably
decrease
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
during capture operations. Even working as an investigator a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
officer may pay attention to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, which a male officer can miss.

In conclusion
, I completely disagree that it should
be forbidden
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
to work in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
service. In my opinion, both genders are equal and women can carry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
duties as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can.
Consequently
, it is
Consider using a past participle here: "recommended".
recommend
providing job opportunity for both genders
equally
based on qualification of an employee.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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