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Many companies use advertising to increase sales. What are the main reasons that make advertisement effective? Is it good or bad thing for the society? v.1

Many companies use advertising to increase sales. What are the main reasons that make advertisement effective? Is it good or bad thing for the society? v. 1
It is common that advertisements are used by companies in order to increase sales. There are few causes why advertising is so productive. In my opinion, it is as beneficial as harmful for the society. The main reason advertisements are successful is that they are targeting specific group of people who will be probably interested in it. For instance, different sports clothes, diet supplements, sport' s gear are promoted in such way that your training processes won’t be looking as much joyful as it could be with a product which an advertisement suggest. In addition, advertising is informing us about products and services about which people would not be aware if advertisements were not present. Those who believes that advertising is harmful, have many justifiable concerns such as is pervasive and invasive. It is everywhere and bombarding us with unnecessary messages any other minute. In addition, advertisements encourage us to make compulsive purchases of things that people not really need. For example, our society does not need any kind of junk food but adds push it persistently. In contradiction, any service or product, which people actually need, does not require any advertising. Thus, we would rarely see advertisements of such products as vegetables, meet, gasoline or utilities. However, advertising can be extremely beneficial for the society. Advertising is an incredibly effective and powerful way to spread the word about important issues and products, such as AIDS awareness, diabetes monitors, tobacco and alcohol risks, and other health-related concerns. If it were not for mass-market multi-media campaigns informing us about public health and safety concerns, the world would be a much more dangerous place. In conclusion, it is worth noting that advertising has both positive and negative aspects to it. On balance however, I think that the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages.
It is common that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in order to increase sales. There are few causes why advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
productive. In my opinion, it is as beneficial as harmful for the society.

The main reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are successful is that they are targeting specific group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who will be
probably
interested in it.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sports clothes, diet supplements,
Possible spelling mistake found.
sport&
#039; s gear
are promoted
in such way that your training processes won’t be looking as much joyful as it could be with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "suggests".
suggest
.
In addition
, advertising is informing us about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and services about which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not be aware if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
were not present.

Those who believes that advertising is harmful, have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
justifiable concerns such as is pervasive and invasive. It is everywhere and bombarding us with unnecessary messages any other minute.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
encourage us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
compulsive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
of things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
really
need.
For example
, our society does not need any kind of junk food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
push it
persistently
. In contradiction, any service or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
actually need, does not require any advertising.
Thus
, we would rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as vegetables,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, gasoline or utilities.

However
, advertising can be
extremely
beneficial for the society. Advertising is an
incredibly
effective and powerful way to spread the word about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, such as AIDS awareness, diabetes monitors, tobacco and alcohol
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, and other health-related concerns. If it were not for mass-market multi-media campaigns informing us about public health and safety concerns, the world would be a much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
place.

In conclusion
, it is worth noting that advertising has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects to it. On balance
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Many companies use advertising to increase sales. What are the main reasons that make advertisement effective? Is it good or bad thing for the society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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