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Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force Do you agree or disagree v.1

Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force v. 1
Researches have shown that many criminals have little education. Hence, it is believed by some people that the education of criminals in prison would help to reduce crime and they can be gainfully employed. I disagree with this notion as criminals are often influenced negatively in prison, while the stigmatization of criminals, prevent them from working and they return to crime. First of all, a major reason why many ex-convicts reoffend is due to the bad influences when they are serving their sentence. Prisons often house a wide range of criminals, including hardened ones who can introduce others to other forms of crime, as well as link them up with lawbreakers outside the prison. For example, many drug traffickers in Nigeria were introduced to this crime when they were serving prison sentences. Thus, educating criminals so as to be employed is not significant to reduce crime since many criminals return to crime rather than been involved in legitimate businesses. Furthermore, the stigmatization of ex-convicts prevent them from being employed. Many prospective employers do not want to employ those with record of crime, while many employees often remind these people of their past acts. For example, a report by the Times revealed that a major factor responsible for reoffending is the stigmatization of ex-convicts. Therefore, many criminals would return to crime despite receiving education in prisons due to stigmatization. In conclusion, I disagree with the view that the education of criminals is the best way of reducing crime, owing to the fact that many had bad influences while in prison and their stigmatization makes it difficult for them to get jobs. Efforts geared towards enlightening policy makers about this view should be promoted.
Researches have shown that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Hence
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
crime and
they can be
gainfully
employed. I disagree with this notion as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
influenced
negatively
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stigmatization
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they return to crime.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a major reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ex-convicts
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffend
is due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences when they are serving their sentence.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Prisons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
, including hardened ones who can introduce others to other forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
as well
as link them up with lawbreakers outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drug traffickers in Nigeria
were introduced
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
when they were serving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
sentences.
Thus
, educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
be employed
is not significant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
return to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rather
than
been involved
in legitimate businesses.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stigmatization
of ex-convicts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from
being employed
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
prospective employers do not want to employ those with record of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
remind these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of their past acts.
For example
, a report by the Times revealed that a major factor responsible for
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffending
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stigmatization
of ex-convicts.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
would return to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
despite receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
due to stigmatization.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the view that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
is the best way of reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, owing to the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences while in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stigmatization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jobs. Efforts geared towards enlightening
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
about this view should
be promoted
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that women should not be allowed to work in the police force v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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