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In recent times many people are making the decision to live alone. What are the causes of this? Does it have positive or negative effects on society? v.1

In recent times many people are making the decision to live alone. What are the causes of this? Does it have positive or negative effects on society? v. 1
The 21st century has bought about many changes, including, the rise in the number of individuals choosing to live independently. The most significant factor contributing to this trend is todays career oriented society in which more people are willing to move further away, from their childhood homes, in order to pursue their ideal jobs. However, in my opinion, this development has far more adverse effects on the population than positive ones. Nowadays, a highly competitive job market has resulted in a number of people expanding their search for employment in areas that may be a considerable distance from their family homes. For instance, cosmopolitan areas such as large cities are highly sought after, as work opportunities are more plentiful. Often, work in major cities in fast paced and stressful, therefore, many people prefer to live alone in order to avoid distractions or the burden of responsibility that may come with shared housing. In addition to this, renting an apartment or house requires signing a contract and many individuals may not want to be legally bound to live with others, especially if they plan to relocate should a better job opportunity arise. In regards to effects on society, an increasing number of people living alone has more negative impacts than positive ones. For instance, social skills have rapidly declined in recent years due to the advent of technology, the internet and social media; more people prefer to communicate with others through computer screens rather than in person. Choosing to live alone may worsen these already concerning issue as people would be more isolated than ever before. This can heighten feelings of loneliness and lead to detrimental health problems such as depression, anxiety and a decreased ability to form strong bonds with others. To summarise, living alone may be more of a necessity than choice as people try to progress and compete in today’s society. However, it is imperative that individuals make an effort to interact with others in order to maintain social competence and prevent negative emotions that may reduce quality of life.
The 21st century has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, including, the rise in the number of individuals choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
. The most significant factor contributing to this trend is
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
career oriented society in which more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
further
away, from their childhood homes, in order to pursue their ideal jobs.
However
, in my opinion, this development has far more adverse effects on the population than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones.

Nowadays, a
highly
competitive job market has resulted in a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
expanding their search for employment in areas that may be a considerable distance from their family homes.
For instance
, cosmopolitan areas such as large cities are
highly
sought after, as work opportunities are more plentiful.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
, work in major cities in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced and stressful,
therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
in order to avoid distractions or the burden of responsibility that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with shared housing.
In addition
to this, renting an apartment or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
requires signing a contract and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals may not want to be
legally
bound to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with others,
especially
if they plan to relocate should a better job opportunity arise.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
In regards to
effects on society, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones.
For instance
, social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
have
rapidly
declined in recent years due to the advent of technology, the internet and social media; more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to communicate with others through computer screens
rather
than in person. Choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
may worsen these already concerning issue as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be more isolated than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This can heighten feelings of loneliness and lead to detrimental health problems such as depression, anxiety and a decreased ability to form strong bonds with others.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
may be more of a necessity than choice as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to progress and compete in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society.
However
, it is imperative that individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to interact with others in order to maintain social competence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
emotions that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
quality of life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay In recent times many people are making the decision to live alone. What are the causes of this? Does it have positive or negative effects on society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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