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In order to improve a country's education system, young students should be allowed to openly criticize their teachers during class time. What is your opinion? What are some other ways education systems could be improved? v.1

In order to improve a country's education system, young students should be allowed to openly criticize their teachers during class time. What is your opinion? What are some other ways education systems could be improved? v. 1
Arguments over how to best improve education systems have been going on since the practice of teaching began. The idea that young students should be allowed to openly criticize their teachers in an effort to better an education system is considered preposterous and I agree. The alternatives of altered school scheduling and teacher monitoring through video will be analysed for viability. Firstly, modified school scheduling would promote educational benefits in a way that openly criticizing could not. For example, many Scandinavian schools run education systems that take three-week breaks throughout the academic year instead of an extended two-month break at summertime. Overall, students have just as much holiday time as their peers in traditional schooling arrangements, but there is not such a long, learning-deterring break of summer, and this allows students to mentally retain more of their studies. This example is clearly a more plausible alternative to the argument that students should be allowed to criticize their teachers. In addition to this, schools should consider video taping classes to both monitor teacher performance and student conduct. For instance, I once taught some students using this arrangement and this made it easy for the students' parents to stay attuned to both their children's lessons and conduct during class time. This sort of educational adjustment would do more for improving a child's schooling than open student criticism of instructors. Thus, the plausibility of this alternative is clear. In conclusion, both scheduling and class transparency would be more positive alterations to the current study system than a system of public ridicule. It is therefore hoped that these changes gain support in the foreseeable future.
Arguments over how to best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
have been going on since the practice of teaching began. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
openly
criticize their teachers in an effort to better an education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
is considered
preposterous and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. The alternatives of altered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
scheduling and teacher monitoring through video will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
for viability.

Firstly
, modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
scheduling would promote educational benefits in a way that
openly
criticizing could not.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Scandinavian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
run education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
that take three-week breaks throughout the academic year
instead
of an extended two-month break at
Consider using "summer".
summertime
.
Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as much holiday time as their peers in traditional schooling arrangements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is not such a long, learning-deterring break of summer, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to mentally retain more of their studies. This example is
clearly
a more plausible alternative to the argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to criticize their teachers.

In addition
to this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should consider video taping classes to both monitor teacher performance and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
conduct.
For instance
, I once taught
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
using this arrangement and this made it easy for the students' parents to stay attuned to both their children's lessons and conduct during
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
time. This sort of educational adjustment would do more for improving a child's schooling than open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
criticism of instructors.
Thus
, the plausibility of this alternative is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
.

In conclusion
, both scheduling and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
transparency would be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
alterations to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
of public ridicule. It is
therefore
hoped that these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
gain support in the foreseeable future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In order to improve a country's education system, young students should be allowed to openly criticize their teachers during class time. What is your opinion? What are some other ways education systems could be improved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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