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In my countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

In my countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. v. 2
The legislation of some nations bans smoking in public areas, which forces smokers to go outdoors to consume cigarettes. From my perspective, the laws are correct since they equally benefit the consumers and society. Having cigarettes banned in public surrounds improves the population's general health since it reduces passive smoking. That is because the exposure of the polluted air created by cigarettes can severely damage a non-smoker's lungs For instance, it has been proved that an individual can inhale up to forty-five chemicals when breathing cigarettes smoke. Therefore, banning its consume would result in a cleaner and healthier air. Moreover, it also improves the quality of the environment to visitors as it improves the smell and cleanliness of the place, generally damaged by ashes. Additionally, the laws are beneficial to smokers because it helps to overcome their addiction. The restriction imposed by the legislation builds barriers to keep smoking; consequently, people might be more easily convinced to change their habits. For example, thanks to the launch of laws against public smoking, Brazil had a forty percent reduction in the number of smokers. Furthermore, reducing the public exposure of cigarettes decreases the craving of the drug felt by addicts when they see someone consuming it because this going to be made in private spots. To conclude, I entirely agree that national laws should vanish the use of cigarettes in public environments since it results in a cleaner and healthier environment for the population. Apart from that, it also helps individuals to stop this bad habit.
The legislation of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations bans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
areas, which forces smokers to go outdoors to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
. From my perspective, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
are correct since they
equally
benefit the consumers and society.

Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
banned in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
surrounds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the population's general health since it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the exposure of the polluted air created by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
can
severely
damage a non-smoker's lungs
For instance
, it has
been proved
that an individual can inhale up to forty-five chemicals when breathing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
smoke.
Therefore
, banning its consume would result in a cleaner and healthier air.
Moreover
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the quality of the environment to visitors as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the smell and cleanliness of the place,
generally
damaged by ashes.

Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
are beneficial to smokers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to overcome their addiction. The restriction imposed by the legislation builds barriers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
;
consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might be more
easily
convinced to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their habits.
For example
, thanks to the launch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, Brazil had a forty percent reduction in the number of smokers.
Furthermore
, reducing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
exposure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
decreases the craving of the drug felt by addicts when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
someone consuming it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this going to
be made
in private spots.

To conclude
, I
entirely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
should vanish the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
environments since it results in a cleaner and healthier environment for the population. Apart from that, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habit.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In my countries it is now illegal to smoke in public places. It is only fair that people who wish to smoke should have to leave the building. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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