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In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience. v.3

In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience. v. 3
This is a universally acknowledged fact that in this 21st century shopping has become an entertainment instead of a need in most of the developed nations. Some people hold the opinion that this is a positive trend; whereas, others have the conflicting views. Here, in the below essay, I will try to enunciate both these facts with my own perception. Some people think that shopping is one of the best hobbies to spend their leisure time because of the multifarious reasons. Firstly, they think that while doing the window shopping, probably, one can win a special prize as nowadays, most of the shopping malls keep some kind of a lucky draw option mainly to lure the customers. Secondly, as per them even though consumers are not buying all the products available in the market, still they are familiar with the latest products, if they are frequent visitors in the shopping malls on the weekends. Undeniably, people who are doing the shopping regularly know about the market trends and various discount offers that are going on. Therefore, these frequent buyers can take up more benefits in terms of the overall cost; whereas, people who are not regular buyer probably land up spending more amount to purchase the same item. By the contrast, others have conflicting views. As per them, doing shopping on the frequent basis has more negative effects. First and foremost, while doing the shopping through plastic money like a credit card and a debit card one can land up spending more than their budgets, thus in turn leads to the financial debts. Moreover, as people are spending most of their leisure time in doing shopping; hence, they do not have enough time to spend with friends and families, whereas in the olden days as this trend was not so popular, everyone used to spend their leisure time either doing some physical exercise or with their family that in turn helps in more bonding and intimacy between the families. To recapitulate, by looking at the above facts, an undeniable hobby like shopping has its own positive as well as detrimental effects.
This is a
universally
acknowledged fact that in this 21st century
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become an entertainment
instead
of a need in most of the developed nations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the opinion that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend; whereas, others have the conflicting views. Here, in the below essay, I will try to enunciate both these facts with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perception.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is one of the best hobbies to spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the multifarious reasons.
Firstly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the window
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
,
probably
, one can win a special prize as nowadays, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
If 'kind' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "kind of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
kind of a
lucky draw option
mainly
to lure the customers.
Secondly
, as per them
even though
consumers are not buying all the products available in the market,
still
they are familiar with the latest products, if they are frequent visitors in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls on the weekends.
Undeniably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
regularly
know about the market trends and various discount offers that are going on.
Therefore
, these frequent buyers can take up more benefits in terms of the
overall
cost; whereas,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not regular buyer
probably
land up spending more amount to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the same item. By the contrast, others have conflicting views.

As per them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
on the frequent basis has more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
First
and foremost, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
through plastic money like a credit card and a debit card one can land up spending more than their budgets,
thus
in turn leads to the financial debts.
Moreover
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending most of their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
;
hence
, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with friends and families, whereas in the olden days as this trend was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical exercise or with their family that in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in more bonding and intimacy between the families.

To recapitulate, by looking at the above facts, an undeniable hobby like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
as well
as detrimental effects.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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