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In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience. v.2

In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience. v. 2
In many developed nations, consumerism is not only about buying the everyday things we need to survive but is also seen as a form of entertainment. This essay will argue that this is a very negative development because of the detrimental effect marketing and advertising has on people and the fact that it is a very unproductive hobby. The main reason people buy luxury items is because of the influence multinationals’ marketing campaigns have on them. We are constantly bombarded with messages telling us that if we buy a certain product we will be happier, more beautiful or more complete. In many ways, these companies trick us into buying their products, when all we need to be happy are much simpler items. For example, fashion chains like Chanel and Prada tell people that they are only good enough if they wear nice clothes and use glamorous models to make people feel unsatisfied with their appearance. Shopping for goods you don’t really need is also not the most productive thing you can do with your time. Not only is it a huge waste of money; it does nothing to develop a person either physically or intellectually. If we compare this activity with other popular pastimes like sport, reading or even watching movies, we can see how unfulfilling shopping really is. For instance, most of my friends who spend their weekends shopping have nothing else to talk about, other than their purchases, whereas my friends who use their time more wisely are often much more interesting to talk to. In conclusion, people should only shop for the necessities and not for pleasure because they are being manipulated by transnational companies and there are also much more constructive ways for people to spend their free time
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developed nations, consumerism is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
about buying the everyday things we need to survive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a form of entertainment. This essay will argue that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the detrimental effect marketing and advertising has on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the fact that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unproductive hobby.

The main reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
luxury items is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the influence multinationals’ marketing campaigns have on them. We are
constantly
bombarded with messages telling us that if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a certain product we will be happier, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
or more complete. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
trick us into buying their products, when all we need to be happy are much simpler items.
For example
, fashion chains like Chanel and Prada
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
if they wear nice clothes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
glamorous models to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel unsatisfied with their appearance.

Shopping for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
you don’t
really
need is
also
not the most productive thing you can do with your time. Not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
is it a huge waste of money; it does nothing to develop a person either
physically
or
intellectually
. If we compare this activity with other popular pastimes like sport, reading or even watching movies, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how unfulfilling shopping
really
is.
For instance
, most of my friends who spend their weekends shopping have nothing else to talk about, other than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
, whereas my friends who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their time more
wisely
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
much more interesting to talk to.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
shop for the necessities and not for pleasure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
being manipulated
by transnational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and there are
also
much more constructive ways for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend their free time
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In most developed countries shopping is not only about buying the goods you need, it is also perceived as entertainment. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples based on your experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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