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In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occured? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v.1

In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occured? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 1
Nowadays, young people tend to spend more time with their friends than with their families. This change has taken place due to the smaller numbers of people living in each house these days and parents shouldn’t force their children to stay at home as this would not foster good relationships within the family. Young people spend more of their free time with their friends because they generally have fewer family members. Today, a person has to look outside the family unit for someone to interact with as most households are made up of small nuclear families, which is in stark contrast to the past when many siblings, cousins and grandparents all lived together. This inevitably leads to them developing closer relationships with non-family and choosing to enjoy their leisure time outside of the home. For example, in Britain, the number of members per household has decreased by around half in the last 50 years. It is not advisable for a mother or father to oblige their son or daughter to spend more time with them as this will not create a situation where the family bond well with each other. If young adults feel that they have to stay at home under duress, they will be in a bad mood as they don’t have enough control over their lives and they will not enjoy any interactions they have with their parents. For instance, a recent article in the Huffington Post argued that it is the quality of time rather than the quantity that ensures a good parent-child relationship. In conclusion, young people are spending a greater amount of time with their friends than with their families because there is little company available and parents should not force their children to do otherwise because this would damage their relationship rather than improve it.
Nowadays, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their friends than with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has taken place due to the smaller numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
these days and parents shouldn’t force their children to stay at home as this would not foster
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
within the family.

Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more of their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
generally
have fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
look outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
unit for someone to interact with as most households
are made
up of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, which is in stark contrast to the past when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
siblings, cousins and grandparents all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
together. This
inevitably
leads to them developing closer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
with non-family and choosing to enjoy their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the home.
For example
, in Britain, the number of members per household has decreased by around half in the last 50 years.

It is not advisable for a mother or father to oblige their son or daughter to spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them as this will not create a situation where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bond well with each other. If young adults feel that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stay at home under duress, they will be in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
mood as they don’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
control over their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lives and
they will not enjoy any interactions they have with their parents.
For instance
, a recent article in the Huffington Post argued that it is the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
rather
than the quantity that ensures a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
parent-child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
.
In conclusion
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending a greater amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their friends than with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
available and parents should not force their children to do
otherwise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this would damage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occured? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
302 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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