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In modern societies, it is possible for people to go shopping, work and communicate via the internet without face-to-face communication. Is it a positive or negative development? v.2

In modern societies, it is possible for people to go shopping, work and communicate via the internet without face-to-face communication. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2
It seems like a common tendency that internet and services that it provides play a vital role in modern people’s lives. Whether this development brings benefits or drawbacks is a furious discussion in recent years. Despite the fact that, I believe it still has a positive impact on our daily lives. Internet apparently gives people chances to overcome time restriction and geographical barrier. To begin with, shops and other services are now available online in this digital age. It gives us instant access to the information on almost any subject. People can buy goods and services from the comfort of their homes. Furthermore, connections of people becomes more efficient thank to this kind of revolutionized communication. For example, intimates can keep in touch by instant messenger services or emails. Also, it is overwhelming that teleconference is becoming more common for business meetings. On the other hand, because this communication can explain as a virtual way, criminals increasingly wrap up themselves and use the internet to steal people’s money. Therefore, it is too difficult to distinguish right or wrong about some information from internet. However, governments are expected to improve internet technology and enact relative laws against the internet fraud. The internet environment has already become safe and reliable in many countries. Moreover, people’s awareness about protecting themselves on the internet are the most incredible change in the modern society due to governments’ efforts. In conclusion, people could adapt many changes in their lives without face-to-face communications because of the internet. Personally, I completely agree this evolution would give people a better experience and be set to continue.
It seems like a common tendency that internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
that it provides play a vital role in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Whether this development brings benefits or drawbacks is a furious discussion in recent years. Despite the fact that, I believe it
still
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Internet
apparently
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
chances
to overcome time restriction and geographical barrier. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, shops and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
available online in this digital age. It gives us instant access to the information on almost any subject.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
from the comfort of their homes.
Furthermore
, connections of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becomes more efficient thank to this kind of revolutionized communication.
For example
, intimates can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch by instant messenger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
or emails.
Also
, it is overwhelming that teleconference is becoming more common for business meetings.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this communication can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
as a virtual way, criminals
increasingly
wrap up themselves and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet to steal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
money.
Therefore
, it is too difficult to distinguish right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information from internet.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
internet technology and enact relative laws against the internet fraud. The internet environment has already become safe and reliable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness about protecting themselves on the internet are the most incredible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the modern society due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
’ efforts.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could adapt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
without face-to-face communications
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the internet.
Personally
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this evolution would give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a better experience and
be set
to continue.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In modern societies, it is possible for people to go shopping, work and communicate via the internet without face-to-face communication. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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