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In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their ageing members. v.3

In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their ageing members. v. 3
In many communities, it is common to see that some senior people are placed in retirement facilities. Some people think that this is not a good way to treat elder people, as they believe that elder people should be fully respected and properly treated. I personally agree with the statement, and the following essay will discuss in details about it. For a number of reasons, many people choose to place their parents in a retirement house. Some people think they are very busy with their careers and they do not have any time in giving attention to their parents. Another group of people see that their house are too small, therefore letting their parents live with them would not be a suitable solution. And then there are others who think that their old parents would be an economic burden for them, therefore they place their parents in the retirement house. However, many people do not realise that a lot of old people who live in the facility feel lonely and desperate, as they think that their families do not love them anymore. And in some cases, their relatives rarely or never visit them. There are some thinks that people should notice before they place their parents in retirement facilities. Young people must respect and take care of their old parents as parents were the one who raised them. When young people were born, they were weak and helpless, and parents were the one who fed them, comforted them and stayed awake during the night to take care of them. And then when they grew up, parents were the one who gave financial supports for their studies, bought them proper clothing and provided them decent accommodation. It is undeniable that parents play an important role in the success life of many young people, therefore young people should never forget their parents and must take care of their parents properly. In conclusion, it is a fact that placing old people in retirement houses has become a usual thing these days. However, I disagree with the condition, as I believe that senior people should be respected and loved by their families. There have been so many good and useful things that these senior people have done for their families, therefore their families should take care of them when they are old.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities, it is common to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are placed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
facilities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that this is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to treat elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as they believe that elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
fully
respected and
properly
treated. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, and the following essay will discuss in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about it.

For a number of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to place their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
careers and
they do not have any time in giving attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Another group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
are too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
letting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with them would not be a suitable solution. And then there are others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would be an economic burden for them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
they place their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the facility feel lonely and desperate, as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
them anymore. And in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, their relatives rarely or never visit them.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thinks
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should notice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they place their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
facilities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
respect and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
raised them. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were born
, they were weak and helpless, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
fed them, comforted them and stayed awake during the night to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them. And then when they grew up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
gave financial supports for their studies,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
them proper clothing and provided them decent accommodation. It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the success life of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should never forget their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
properly
.

In conclusion
, it is a fact that placing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
has become a usual thing these days.
However
, I disagree with the condition, as I believe that senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be respected
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and useful things that these senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have done for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
70Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their ageing members. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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