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In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their ageing members. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their ageing members. v. 1
There are people who think that with the advancement in technology the need to learn handwriting skills has vanished. However, others believe that it is an essential skill which must be learned. I believe it should be learned because it enhances the creativity of people. Undoubtedly, it is no longer required to master handwriting skills because due to modern technology everything which once was to be written by hands is replaced by typing. An increased number of universities and organizations are solely dependant on computers to print information and notices. Even the students take an exam on computers where they have to type the answers and this system is entirely replacing the paper delivered exam system. Therefore, it would be absurd to waste time on learning a skill which would be of no benefit. A report shows that examinations in most universities are being taken on computers lately. On the other hand, learning handwriting skill is crucial. No matter how much the technology advances, it cannot entirely eliminate the need of acquiring this skill because it increases the creativity of individuals. The ones who learn and master this skill got the chance to experiment with their writing, hence, it would enhance their creative skills. Moreover, it also assist in learning the arts and enable one to use the pen. If one would not be confident with using pen, it would be difficult for them to use brushes and paint masterpieces. A study was conducted in the US which showed that children who learnt handwriting skills were full of ideas and more creative. To conclude, although the usage of handwriting skill is becoming obsolete with advances in technology, it is essential as it broadens the mind of individuals and I entirely favour the notion that it is absolutely essential.
There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that with the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
the need to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
has vanished.
However
, others believe that it is an essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be learned
. I believe it should
be learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it enhances the creativity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Undoubtedly
, it is no longer required to master
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
due to modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
everything which once was to
be written
by hands
is replaced
by typing. An increased number of universities and organizations are
solely
Did you mean "dependent" on?
dependant
on computers to print information and notices. Even the students take an exam on computers where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
type the answers and this system is
entirely
replacing the paper delivered exam system.
Therefore
, it would be absurd to waste time on learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
which would be of no benefit. A report
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that examinations in most universities are
being taken
on computers lately.

On the other hand
, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is crucial. No matter how much the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
advances, it cannot
entirely
eliminate the need of acquiring this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it increases the creativity of individuals. The ones who learn and master this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the chance to experiment with their writing,
hence
, it would enhance their creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
Moreover
, it
also
Did you mean "assists"?
assist
in learning the arts and enable one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the pen. If one would not be confident with using pen, it would be difficult for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
brushes and paint masterpieces. A study
was conducted
in the US which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that children who
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
were full of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and more creative.

To conclude
, although the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
is becoming obsolete with advances in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, it is essential as it broadens the mind of individuals and I
entirely
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the notion that it is
absolutely
essential.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their ageing members. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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