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In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their ageing members. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their ageing members. v. 4
It is often said that the old being sent to nursing homes in many countries worldwide is appropriate. In my opinion, however, I strongly believe that family members should take care of them at homes. On the one hand, there are numerous reasons leading to the phenomenon of ageing members living in retirement homes. Firstly, care homes provide more professional healthcare services. In fact, authorities have invested a large sum of money in modern facilities and care workers including nurses are trained better than family members. Secondly, the elderly are likely to meet their fellows there. They live in the same generation, share the same interests, thereby resulting in a close bond among them. Therefore, they become much happier and there will be a rise in the rate of life expectancy. On the other hand, I reckon that family members should have a responsibility towards the older people in our society and care for them. The old brought up their offspring since they were born, supplied them with education, food so when their children grew up, they should look after their parents. Furthermore, living in an extended family means that people can gather, eat, watch television together and share their happiness and sorrow with others. This would create a harmonious and cozy atmosphere and every member can experience a sense of belonging. In conclusion, although some people are in favor of sending the ageing population to the retirement homes, I personally think that their family members should themselves look after them.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries worldwide is appropriate. In my opinion,
however
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them at homes.

On the one hand, there are numerous reasons leading to the phenomenon of
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
living in retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
provide more professional healthcare services. In fact, authorities have invested a large sum of money in modern facilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
workers including nurses
are trained
better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
Secondly
, the elderly are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their fellows there. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the same generation, share the same interests, thereby resulting in a close bond among them.
Therefore
, they become much happier and there will be a rise in the rate of life expectancy.

On the other hand
, I reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
should have a responsibility towards the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in our society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for them. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
brought up their offspring since they
were born
, supplied them with education, food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when their children grew up, they should look after their parents.
Furthermore
, living in an extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
means that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can gather, eat,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television together and share their happiness and sorrow with others. This would create a harmonious and cozy atmosphere and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
can experience a sense of belonging.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are in favor of sending the
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
population to the retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
, I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
should themselves look after them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their ageing members. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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