Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their ageing members. Do you agree or disagree? v.4

In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their ageing members. v. 4
It is often said that the old being sent to nursing homes in many countries worldwide is appropriate. In my opinion, however, I strongly believe that family members should take care of them at homes. On the one hand, there are numerous reasons leading to the phenomenon of ageing members living in retirement homes. Firstly, care homes provide more professional healthcare services. In fact, authorities have invested a large sum of money in modern facilities and care workers including nurses are trained better than family members. Secondly, the elderly are likely to meet their fellows there. They live in the same generation, share the same interests, thereby resulting in a close bond among them. Therefore, they become much happier and there will be a rise in the rate of life expectancy. On the other hand, I reckon that family members should have a responsibility towards the older people in our society and care for them. The old brought up their offspring since they were born, supplied them with education, food so when their children grew up, they should look after their parents. Furthermore, living in an extended family means that people can gather, eat, watch television together and share their happiness and sorrow with others. This would create a harmonious and cozy atmosphere and every member can experience a sense of belonging. In conclusion, although some people are in favor of sending the ageing population to the retirement homes, I personally think that their family members should themselves look after them.
It is
often
said that the
old
being
sent
to nursing
homes
in
many
countries worldwide is appropriate. In my opinion,
however
, I
strongly
believe that
family
members
should take
care
of them at homes.

On the one hand, there are numerous reasons leading to the phenomenon of
ageing
members
living in retirement
homes
.
Firstly
,
care
homes
provide more professional healthcare services. In fact, authorities have invested a large sum of money in modern facilities and
care
workers including nurses
are trained
better than
family
members
.
Secondly
, the elderly are likely to
meet
their fellows there. They
live
in the same generation, share the same interests, thereby resulting in a close bond among them.
Therefore
, they become much happier and there will be a rise in the rate of life expectancy.

On the other hand
, I reckon that
family
members
should have a responsibility towards the older
people
in our society and
care
for them. The
old
brought up their offspring since they
were born
, supplied them with education, food
so
when their children grew up, they should look after their parents.
Furthermore
, living in an extended
family
means that
people
can gather, eat,
watch
television together and share their happiness and sorrow with others. This would create a harmonious and cozy atmosphere and every
member
can experience a sense of belonging.

In conclusion
, although
some
people
are in favor of sending the
ageing
population to the retirement
homes
, I
personally
think
that their
family
members
should themselves look after them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their ageing members. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts