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In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v.46

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v. 46
With the rise of population, scarcity of shelter is now a global issue. To meet this growing demand, new houses need to be constructed in the suburbs. Many people are of belief that making countryside as new homes will definitely destroy its beauty. Meanwhile, I am of the opposite opinion that with limited and restricted usage of rural areas will diversify the crowd. This essay sheds some lights on how new shelters in remote locations might not only help the environment, but also can give a better life to people. First of all, making new houses in the countryside will diversify the crowd and may shift a plethora of workforce from the urban area to the rural. To illustrate, cities like Mumbai and Bangalore are largely populated with Media and IT professionals because of the job scopes. Shifting MNCs or Industries to the suburbs will eventually shift the employees to those places resulting lesser congested city. Thus, moving to rural side will encourage a less polluted city life and even healthier countryside which was once being polluted by the wastes of urban population. Secondly, with the growth of the population, there will be better communication and transport to such places which had lacked better facilities and services since long time. Additionally, to meet the growing demands of the public, more local vendors would get job opportunities to expand their business. For instance, the local products such as seasonal fruits and vegetables, which were never exported could easily cross borders and boost the economy. Hence, to encourage countryside harvests it is necessary to make these as shelters. In a nutshell, in order to protect the cities and balance the ecosystem, it is important to diversify the human habitats. Building new homes without hampering nature will definitely enhance the economy of any country.
With the rise of population, scarcity of shelter is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a global issue. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
this growing demand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
need to
be constructed
in the suburbs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of belief that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
homes will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
its beauty. Meanwhile, I am of the opposite opinion that with limited and restricted usage of rural areas will diversify the crowd. This essay sheds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lights on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
shelters in remote locations might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can give a better life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
will diversify the crowd and may shift a plethora of workforce from the urban area to the rural. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
like Mumbai and Bangalore are
largely
populated with Media and IT professionals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the job scopes. Shifting
Possible spelling mistake found.
MNCs
or Industries to the suburbs will
eventually
shift the employees to those places resulting lesser congested city.
Thus
, moving to rural side will encourage a less polluted city life and even healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
which was once
being polluted
by the wastes of urban population.

Secondly
, with the growth of the population, there will be better communication and transport to such places which had lacked better facilities and services since long time.
Additionally
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the growing demands of the public, more local vendors would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
job opportunities to expand their business.
For instance
, the local products such as seasonal fruits and vegetables, which were never exported could
easily
cross borders and boost the economy.
Hence
, to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
harvests it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
these as shelters.

In a nutshell, in order to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and balance the ecosystem, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to diversify the human habitats. Building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
homes without hampering nature will definitely enhance the economy of any country.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v. 46

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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