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In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v.34

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v. 34
During the last decades, the world has placed a premium on the arts, especially painting and music. There is an opinion asserting that spending on art is a waste of money, and public services is more important than that. Having said that, however, I completely disagree with the assertion on the basis of compelling reasons. To begin with, firstly, art has been a mandatory part of the world, ranging from the prehistoric time to this era, which has made a spiritual relation with human. The more enhancing arts, such as painting and music with more attention and paying money by government, the more mind and spirit of the human in the world will be improved. This is to say, there is a significant relation between arts and emotion, resulting happiness and kindness among a society. For instance, if the spirit of individuals is healthy, the society can be far happier and healthier. Hence, in my opinion, spending money on the arts, means spending to have a happier world. Secondly, paying more attention by government can be result in encouraging more youth to the arts. Choosing arts as a recreation can decrease the tendency of young people in committing a crime, or violent action. Although, other public services are necessary, having a world with a rate of crime approximately next to zero and with artistic people can be more important for government. Paying attention on art is meaning spending to make an artistic society. Take the Italy as an example; the country will become as a more attractive place for tourist which helps the economy. To sum up, it is my firm conviction that art is an essential part of each country, leading the happiest, healthiest and artistic world and people.
During the last decades, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has placed a premium on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
especially
painting and music. There is an opinion asserting that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is a waste of money, and public services is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than that. Having said that,
however
, I completely disagree with the assertion on the basis of compelling reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
has been a mandatory part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, ranging from the prehistoric time to this era, which has made a spiritual relation with human. The more enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, such as painting and music with more attention and paying money by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, the more mind and spirit of the human in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. This is to say, there is a significant relation between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and emotion, resulting happiness and kindness among a society.
For instance
, if the spirit of individuals is healthy, the society can be far happier and healthier.
Hence
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
to have a happier world.

Secondly
, paying more attention by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can be result in encouraging more youth to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. Choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
as a recreation can decrease the tendency of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in committing a crime, or violent action. Although, other public services are necessary, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
with a rate of crime approximately
next
to zero and with artistic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can be more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Paying attention on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
The verb 'meaning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is meaning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an artistic society. Take the Italy as an example; the country will become as a more attractive place for tourist which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the economy.

To sum up, it is my firm conviction that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an essential part of each country, leading the happiest, healthiest and artistic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v. 34

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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