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The internet is viewed as an excellent means of communication but some people suggest that it may not the best place to find information v.1

The internet is viewed as an excellent means of communication but some people suggest that it may not the best place to find information v. 1
The argument, over whether corporations should recruit younger staff or older staff, has not been settled yet. It is often argued by some that the employers should select a young workforce because they are hard-working as compared to others. Meanwhile, others still claim that the experienced staff should be prioritized considering their well-shaped skills. This essay will argue both sides of the argument before drawing a logical opinion. On the one hand, the supporters of hiring fresh graduates believe that the companies can get benefit from their hard work. As they stepped into professional life with a lot of enthusiasm and motivation, they struggle hard to bring betterment to the company to secure a permanent place. Take an example of IBN, Australia, it experimented with employing a young workforce, which resulted in up-gradation of the company’s ranking due to young force hard work. Thus, appointing naïve is to some extent beneficial for the companies. While on the other hand, the advocates of the view that experienced staff should be hired considering their communication and decision-making skills. As older staff can help with their experience not only developing organizational credentials, but also interact with international delegates to expand the business. For instance, Nestle, Sweden heavily relied on its experience to make ties with the international market. Therefore, the older workforce is also considered as a valuable asset for any company. However, from my perspective, companies can benefit a lot by selecting both sets of employees. This way they can utilize the positive energy which is present in a fresh youngster, and the vast experience of older employees, for the prosperity of the organization. To sum up, people may vary in their opinions on which age group should be preferred during the recruitment process, but I believe a combination of both would work wonders.
The argument, over whether corporations should recruit younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
, has not
been settled
yet
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that the employers should select a young workforce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working as compared to others. Meanwhile, others
still
claim that the experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
should
be prioritized
considering their well-shaped
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This essay will argue both sides of the argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a logical opinion.

On the one hand, the supporters of hiring fresh graduates believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. As they stepped into professional life with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
enthusiasm and motivation, they struggle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to bring betterment to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to secure a permanent place. Take an example of
Possible spelling mistake found.
IBN
, Australia, it experimented with employing a young workforce, which resulted in up-gradation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
ranking due to young force
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
Thus
, appointing naïve is to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent beneficial for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

While
on the other hand
, the advocates of the view that experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
should
be hired
considering their communication and decision-making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with their experience not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
developing organizational credentials,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
interact with international delegates to expand the business.
For instance
, Nestle, Sweden
heavily
relied on its experience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ties with the international market.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
workforce is
also
considered as a valuable asset for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

However
, from my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can benefit a lot by selecting both sets of employees. This way they can utilize the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
energy which is present in a fresh youngster, and the vast experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
employees, for the prosperity of the organization.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinions on which age group should
be preferred
during the recruitment process,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe a combination of both would work wonders.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The internet is viewed as an excellent means of communication but some people suggest that it may not the best place to find information v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
302 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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