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In many places new homes are needed but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. what is your opinion about this? v.10

In many places new homes are needed but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. what is your opinion about this? v. 10
Globalization has created demand for building new houses at certain locations. The countryside land is therefore the ideal option to fulfil this purpose. However, some people argued that it is more important to save countryside space and not to build new homes there. In my opinion, I agree with the belief of people. As we noticed from our day to day life that the available land is becoming less in urban areas due to increasing population and industries. The builders therefore have two options. First, to expand the new buildings vertically to accommodate large number of resident into it. Second, to build new homes at countryside location. For example, in India nowadays metro cities like Mumbai and Ahmedabad are expanding their roots to nearby countryside locations to overcome their space requirement. However, according to local countryside people, this expansion will vanish the culture and atmosphere of countryside area. The increase in population will result in more pollution because of vehicles driven by residents to operate their routine needs. Additionally constructing buildings at countryside land will result in less availability of land for agriculture as well as land fertility will decrease. Although, this urbanisation will be fruitful for countryside people as they will have better amenities, transportation and rise in income, people from countryside threatened to loos to their originality. To conclude, the countryside is best option to land require to make new buildings. But, it must not on the cost of the locality of countryside people.
Globalization has created demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
at certain locations. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
is
therefore
the ideal option to fulfil this purpose.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argued that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
space and not to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
homes there. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the belief of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

As we noticed from our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life that the available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
is becoming less in urban areas due to increasing population and industries. The builders
therefore
have two options.
First
, to expand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
vertically
to accommodate large number of resident into it. Second, to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
homes at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
location.
For example
, in India nowadays metro cities like Mumbai and Ahmedabad are expanding their roots to nearby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
locations to overcome their space requirement.

However
, according to local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this expansion will vanish the culture and atmosphere of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
area. The increase in population will result in more pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of vehicles driven by residents to operate their routine needs.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
constructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
will result in less availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
for agriculture
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
fertility will decrease. Although, this
Possible spelling mistake. 'urbanisation' is British English.
urbanisation
will be fruitful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they will have better amenities, transportation and rise in income,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
threatened
Did you mean "too loos to"?
to loos to
their originality.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
option to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
land
require to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not on the cost of the locality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay In many places new homes are needed but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. what is your opinion about this? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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