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In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v.1

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v. 1
Nowadays, there is scarcity of land in urban areas to accommodate the increasing population. Hence, there is a heated debate arises among the people regarding to construct new dwellings at the countryside or the natural habitat of the countryside should be preserved from such concrete jungle. In my opinion, the beauty of the rural area should be unexploited and the supporting arguments are given in the following paragraphs. To begin with, the strongest argument in my opinion, the natural habitat and purity of the countryside will be in danger, if new construction sites will enter into it. This practice would collapse the aboriginal ecosystem and environmental issues will arise. For instance, the concrete jungle in the city area has demised the home of many species on the earth which endangered their existence. Moreover, the unsustainable development of the rural area would have a detrimental effect on the environment too. The increasing amount of fossil fuel accelerates the effect of global warming; this causes many more saviour troubles to the people. Therefore, the countryside should be protected from such development to secure species and the environment. Furthermore, building home in the rural area lead to the problem of paucity of the natural resources such as water, food and fresh air. This limited resources are exploited without wisdom creates great trouble to the people. Lastly, the people from the rural region, mostly rely on the agricultural work. If this land is utilized for building colonies, then agriculture sector will collapse. As a result, there will be reduced food production as well as many people will get unemployed. Thus, the countryside is the most important part of the national economy and it should be protected to achieve a sustainable economy and resources. To conclude, the paucity of landscape for the urban area should be solved with the preserving the countryside for the betterment of the nation. The government should provide security to the countryside by imposing stringent policy.
Nowadays, there is scarcity of land in urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
to accommodate the increasing population.
Hence
, there is a heated debate arises among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
construct new dwellings at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
or the natural habitat of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
should
be preserved
from such concrete jungle. In my opinion, the beauty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
should
be unexploited
and the supporting arguments are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the strongest argument in my opinion, the natural habitat and purity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
will be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
, if new construction sites will enter into it. This practice would collapse the aboriginal ecosystem and environmental issues will arise.
For instance
, the concrete jungle in the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
has demised the home of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
species on the earth which endangered their existence.
Moreover
, the unsustainable development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
would have a detrimental effect on the environment too. The increasing amount of fossil fuel accelerates the effect of global warming; this causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
Possible spelling mistake found.
saviour
troubles to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
should
be protected
from such development to secure species and the environment.

Furthermore
, building home in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
lead to the problem of paucity of the natural resources such as water, food and fresh air. This limited resources
are exploited
without wisdom creates great trouble to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Lastly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
region,
mostly
rely on the agricultural work. If this land
is utilized
for building colonies, then agriculture sector will collapse.
As a result
, there will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
food production
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
unemployed.
Thus
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the national economy and it should
be protected
to achieve a sustainable economy and resources.

To conclude
, the paucity of landscape for the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
should
be solved
with the preserving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
for the betterment of the nation. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should provide security to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
by imposing stringent policy.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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