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In many places, new home are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v.1

In many places, new home are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v. 1
Although many locations need to have houses which are new, there are not any area except in the suburbia for this matter, some people have the opinion that building in the countryside is not a good choice and they should preserve them without any alteration. Personally, I believe that this occurrence can cause many difficulties in the environment and I partially agree with this notion. It is true that the number of people has increased in recent years and the majority of cities have become more congested and polluted. In fact, authorities should make a comprehensive scheme in order to control the number of population and also consider many homes for next generations to prevent of affairs which lead the inhabitants to homelessness. I think that governments can build new homes in the suburbs of the cities due to fact that the space of cities have finished and this area is only in the countryside with a good climate where people can experience the beauty of nature. Furthermore, through theses development, villages will be progress and also this method can reduce the volume of air pollution and traffic jams in the cities. On the other hand, construction new homes can cause irreparable blemishes in surroundings and this issue has several demerits for farmers and gardeners. In other Words, I think that the majority of these people lose their jobs due to the fact that all gardens and plantations are located in the suburbia's and without right urban planning, we will confront a lot of trouble in terms of production of fruits and other things. What is more, this matter can cause climate changes because building deteriorate plateau, river, and so on. In conclusion, in my view building in the suburbs can be advantageous on condition that the authorities have a good plan for that with the least damage to the environment.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
locations need to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
which are new, there are not any area except in the suburbia for this matter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the opinion that building in the countryside is not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
choice and
they should preserve them without any alteration.
Personally
, I believe that this occurrence can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties in the environment and I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion.

It is true that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has increased in recent years and the majority of cities have become more congested and polluted. In fact, authorities should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a comprehensive scheme in order to control the number of population and
also
consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
homes for
next
generations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
of affairs which lead the inhabitants to homelessness. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can build new homes in the suburbs of the cities due to fact that the space of cities have finished and this area is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the countryside with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
climate where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can experience the beauty of nature.
Furthermore
, through
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "theses'" or "thesis's"?
theses
development, villages will be progress and
also
this method can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the volume of air pollution and traffic jams in the cities.

On the other hand
, construction new homes can cause irreparable blemishes in surroundings and this issue has several demerits for farmers and gardeners.
In other Words
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the majority of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose their jobs due to the fact that all gardens and plantations
are located
in the suburbia's and without right urban planning, we will confront
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
trouble in terms of production of fruits and other things.
What is more
, this matter can cause climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
building deteriorate plateau, river, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

In conclusion
, in my view building in the suburbs can be advantageous on condition that the authorities have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
plan for that with the least damage to the environment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many places, new home are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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