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In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because people had more children. Do you think there were more advantages or disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past? v.1

In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because people had more children. Do you think there were more advantages or disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past? v. 1
Over the past century, household size in various places around the world has declined considerably as a result of the social and historical changes. While I recognize some possible benefits of living in a big family, I consider it to be a serious drawback to children’s all-round development. Perhaps living with numerous siblings could benefit a child in many ways such as high levels of brother-and-sister support and understanding among members of the family. Every kid had his or her own stories and at the end of the day, they could sit back, chat with each other, share their experiences or difficulties as well as find out appropriate solutions for their issues. Furthermore, spending time playing with other children in the family could greatly build up a strong spiritual bond among everyone. If such kids had any problems in life, they would always find a place to turn to, in this circumstance their ‘home’. Despite some potential benefits of big-sized families, I believe such households did more harm than good to the growth of a young. Firstly, parents could not give sufficient care to all of their kids, especially at a time of economic crisis. This could lead to severe situations like hunger, conflicts or even wellbeing decline. For example, my dad was the oldest child of a large family and he had to work from a very young age to help to raise his bros and sis. Secondly, the interruption of education was also a grave concern for parents of huge households. Many school-age children got dropped out of school because of the lack of fund for paying fees and other costs. This appeared to hinder these children’s career prospect in the long term. In summary, the positives of being a part of a large family by no mean outweigh its negatives as we consider factors of living expenses or education.
Over the past century, household size in various places around the world has declined
considerably
as a result
of the social and historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. While I recognize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible benefits of living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, I consider it to be a serious drawback to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
all-round development.

Perhaps living with numerous siblings could benefit a child in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways such as high levels of brother-and-sister support and understanding among members of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Every kid had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
stories and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, they could sit back, chat with each other, share their experiences or difficulties
as well
as find out appropriate solutions for their issues.
Furthermore
, spending time playing with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
could
greatly
build up a strong spiritual bond among everyone. If such kids had any problems in life, they would always find a place to turn to, in this circumstance their ‘home’.

Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential benefits of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
-sized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, I believe such households did more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to the growth of a young.
Firstly
, parents could not give sufficient care to all of their kids,
especially
at a time of economic crisis. This could lead to severe situations like hunger, conflicts or even
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
decline.
For example
, my dad was the oldest child of a large
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
family and
he had to work from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to raise his bros and sis.
Secondly
, the interruption of education was
also
a grave concern for parents of huge households.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
school-age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
dropped out of school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of fund for paying fees and other costs. This appeared to hinder these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
career prospect in the long term.

In summary, the positives of being a part of a large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
by no mean outweigh its negatives as we consider factors of living expenses or education.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many parts of the world, families were larger in the past because people had more children. Do you think there were more advantages or disadvantages to being part of a large family in the past? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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