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In many nations, people in huge cities either live alone or in small family units, instead of a large, extended family. Is this a positive or negative trend? v.2

In many nations, people in huge cities either live alone or in small family units, instead of a large, extended family. Is this a positive or negative trend? v. 2
It is thought that thinking of the future is time-wasting so a concentration of the reality is more significant. As supposed to them, I disagree with the idea that it is unnecessary for people to have an aim for their dreams hereafter. Initially, a preparation for the future will bring motivation and inspiration in order to keep conducting what they want to. They will be willing to risk to pass every barricade even if it is uphill by means of their enthusiasm as well as afflatus. If they don't own any future projects, they just spend time on trivial things so they will have a vague future. For instance, Barbara McClintock, who is a famous female scientist, has been dreaming of being a physicist when she was young. Then she started to work harder to make her dream real. She spared days and months of doing an experiment, taking part in a science club and finishing scientific homework until midnight. Obviously, because she had a lucid ambition, she always tried her best to complete everything regarding science. Apart from the practical concerns expressed above, I also believe that persons who have a decision for the future will practice many virtues during planning. Following dreams and targets is not easy so they have to be patient. When there are unexpected problems or something that makes them unable to understand, instead of ignoring, they will find out until they comprehend. Moreover, creativity is one of the good qualities they gradually become. They make use of this virtuousness to create new and wonderful products. Consequently, these two moral excellences may help people to work in any stressful environments. Overall, I suppose that future planning is crucial on account of its encouragement of motive and incentive besides personality improvement.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that thinking of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is time-wasting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a concentration of the reality is more significant. As supposed to them, I disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that it is unnecessary for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have an aim for their dreams hereafter.

Initially
, a preparation for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
will bring motivation and inspiration in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
conducting what they want to. They will be willing to
The verb 'risk' is used with the gerund form: "risk passing".
risk to pass
every barricade even if it is uphill by means of their enthusiasm
as well
as afflatus. If they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
projects, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
spend time on trivial things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will have a vague
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
For instance
, Barbara
Possible spelling mistake found.
McClintock
, who is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
female scientist, has been dreaming of being a physicist when she was young. Then she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to work harder to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
her dream real. She spared days and months of doing an experiment, taking part in a science club and finishing scientific homework until midnight.
Obviously
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she had a lucid ambition, she always tried her best to complete everything regarding science.

Apart from the practical concerns expressed above, I
also
believe that persons who have a decision for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
will practice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
virtues during planning. Following dreams and targets is not easy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be patient. When there
are unexpected
problems or something that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them unable to understand,
instead
of ignoring, they will find out until they comprehend.
Moreover
, creativity is one of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualities they
gradually
become. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this virtuousness to create new and wonderful products.
Consequently
, these two moral
Possible spelling mistake found.
excellences
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to work in any stressful environments.

Overall
, I suppose that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
planning is crucial on account of its encouragement of motive and incentive
besides
personality improvement.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many nations, people in huge cities either live alone or in small family units, instead of a large, extended family. Is this a positive or negative trend? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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