Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Essay topics: TPO-34 - Independent Writing Task(i devoted only miniscule amount of time to comparison of today's parenting with the one of the past)Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Educating children is a more difficult task toda v.1

Essay topics: TPO-34 - Independent Writing Task(i devoted only miniscule amount of time to comparison of today's parenting with the one of the past) Educating children is a more difficult task toda v. 1
Nowadays, an Increasing numbers of women are choosing to join in military and police force. Although I think that females should be given enough chances in such national security division, I personally disagree, with the idea that there is a need for equal participation in certain positions. One the one hand, women should be chosen for jobs according to their skills, qualifications and character. Indeed, females are capable of doing jobs in which communication and high pressure are involved. For example, Marta Chavez, who was the minister of national defence in Peru from 1990 to 1995, marked an important precedent being the first woman in the charge. Furthermore, she was an important figure in the fight against terrorism in those years, illustrating the large ability of women to resolve and create strategies in decisive periods. On the other hand, it is an undeniable fact that both males and females have specific characteristics. A great number of positions in military and police forces require physical strength, which made it more suitable for men. To illustrate this more, take the case of the police force, who may constantly encounter fight with protesters on the street, charging heavy weapons and barriers, using only force to retain the crowd. Furthermore, rough times as the war situation often require an objective point of view rather than sensitive emotions, this could be a transcendental choice between staying alive or death. To sum up, considering the fact that there are a great number of positions in the army and police force that require high physical power, I fully support the idea that there is no need to have equal roles.
Nowadays, an Increasing numbers of women are choosing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in military and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that females should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
chances in such national security division, I
personally
disagree, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that there is a need for equal participation in certain positions.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, women should
be chosen
for jobs according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, qualifications and character.
Indeed
, females are capable of doing jobs in which communication and high pressure
are involved
.
For example
, Marta Chavez, who was the minister of national
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
in Peru from 1990 to 1995, marked an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
precedent being the
first
woman in the charge.
Furthermore
, she was an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
figure in the fight against terrorism in those years, illustrating the large ability of women to resolve and create strategies in decisive periods.

On the other hand
, it is an undeniable fact that both males and females have specific characteristics. A great number of positions in military and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forces
require physical strength, which made it more suitable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. To illustrate this more, take the case of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
, who may
constantly
encounter fight with protesters on the street, charging heavy weapons and barriers, using
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
to retain the crowd.
Furthermore
, rough times as the war situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
require an objective point of view
rather
than sensitive emotions, this could be a transcendental choice between staying alive or death.

To sum up, considering the fact that there are a great number of positions in the army and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
force
that require high physical power, I
fully
support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that there is no need to have equal roles.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Essay topics: TPO-34 - Independent Writing Task(i devoted only miniscule amount of time to comparison of today's parenting with the one of the past) Educating children is a more difficult task toda v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts