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System ThinkingSystem thinking is understanding the elements that are closely linked and interactive in the whole system. It is a way to understand the reality that stresses the relationship between the system's parts. In order to get the results tha v.1

System ThinkingSystem thinking is understanding the elements that are closely linked and interactive in the whole system. It is a way to understand the reality that stresses the relationship between the system's parts. In order to get the results tha v. 1
Many people sometimes face the dilemma of situations in which they must either accept what happens or try to make some changes. While some feel that acceptance is the optimal approach, I agree with those who believe that we should strive to better these situations. On the one hand, it could be argued that people should be satisfied with what life brings to them. Advocates of this opinion argue that change is risky and requires massive effort. By accepting unfavourable situations, at least people may have a better sense of security, and this, psychologically, increases their happiness to some extent. For example, when a person tries to find another job, there is no guarantee that the new job can offer them more satisfaction. Also, in a few serious cases, such as wars or severe economic downturns, it could be hazardous and virtually impossible for an individual to change the situation. However, I side with those who believe that people should do their best to move up in life. First, it is apparent that the advancement of human civilization has been made by those who strongly believe that there are always ways to make their lives better. Without this spirit, great inventions like light bulbs, electricity, computers or the Internet could have never come to life. Furthermore, the most compelling argument is that only by solving the existing problems, not by simply accepting them, can people discover their abilities, improve their skills and live their lives to the fullest. There have been instances of entrepreneurs, sports athletes or scientists in many countries who achieved stunning success thanks to their never give up mindset and continued effort. Therefore, I believe that in most cases, the effort to better unfavourable situations would be rewarded. In conclusion, although in rare cases, making changes sometimes seems quite dangerous, in the vast majority of instances, not only does this action bring about great success, but also helps people identify their potential and live their lives in a more meaningful way. Therefore, on balance, I believe that striving to change unhappy situations is a much more sensible approach.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
face the dilemma of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
in which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
either accept what happens or try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel that acceptance is the optimal approach, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that we should strive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
these situations.

On the one hand, it could
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be satisfied
with what life brings to them. Advocates of this opinion argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is risky and requires massive effort. By accepting
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
, at least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
sense of security, and this,
psychologically
, increases their happiness to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
For example
, when a person tries to find another job, there is no guarantee that the new job can offer them more satisfaction.
Also
, in a few serious cases, such as wars or severe economic downturns, it could be hazardous and
virtually
impossible for an individual to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
the situation.

However
, I side with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
up in life.
First
, it is apparent that the advancement of human civilization has
been made
by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that there are always ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
. Without this spirit, great inventions like light bulbs, electricity, computers or the Internet could have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to life.
Furthermore
, the most compelling argument is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by solving the existing problems, not by
simply
accepting them, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
discover their abilities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
to the fullest. There have been instances of entrepreneurs, sports athletes or scientists in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
achieved stunning success thanks to their never give up mindset and continued effort.
Therefore
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
in most cases
, the effort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
would
be rewarded
.

In conclusion
, although in rare cases, making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
seems quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
, in the vast majority of instances, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does this action bring about great success,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
identify their potential and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in a more meaningful way.
Therefore
, on balance, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that striving to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
unhappy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
is a much more sensible approach.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay System ThinkingSystem thinking is understanding the elements that are closely linked and interactive in the whole system. It is a way to understand the reality that stresses the relationship between the system's parts. In order to get the results tha v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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