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In many countries, youngsters protest against the system by damaging public properties. Is this justified? v.2

In many countries, youngsters protest against the system by damaging public properties. Is this justified? v. 2
The world has become more diverse in recent past. Sometimes diversity also causes unrest between people belonging to different religion, cast and creed. Many a time disagreements between such groups lead to clashes and youngsters resort to violence to give vent to their anger. Damaging public properties is one of them. Disagreement may lead to healthy discussions and it is also considered a virtue in democracies. But violence and damage to public properties are not at all accepted in any healthy society. In many countries this phenomenon is a result of intolerance. Even a small hurt to religious sentiments causes eruption of violence and public properties are being targeted first. Youngsters feel that by doing so they are exercising their right to protest. These young people consider that damaging public property is a way to register their protest against administration. At times these youngsters also resort to such behavior to pretest against government policies. Such trends are not at all healthy. Violence by any means must be condemned. There are many other ways to protest. Damaging public properties is not only violence but also wastage of public money. These properties are being bought from the tax that public pays and they are for the public use. Youth must be sensitised about this fact. To prevent damaging public facilities, many governments have enacted laws. Miscreants are penalised heavily under those laws. In a summary, the idea of damaging public property for any reason is not at all acceptable and society must curb the menace. Society should publicly embarrass such people. Laws should be enforced strictly in such cases. And such unlawful elements must be penalized heavily. I am sure the future is bright. Society will be free of such violence and protest will be held in civilized manner.
The world has become more diverse in recent past.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
diversity
also
causes unrest between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
belonging to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
religion, cast and creed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
a time disagreements between such groups lead to clashes and youngsters resort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
to give vent to their anger.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Damaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
properties
is one of them. Disagreement may lead to healthy discussions and it is
also
considered a virtue in democracies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and damage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
properties
are not at all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in any healthy society.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries this phenomenon is a result of intolerance. Even a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
hurt to religious sentiments causes eruption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
properties
are
being targeted
first
. Youngsters feel that by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are exercising their right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protest
. These young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
damaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
property
is a way to register their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protest
against administration. At times these youngsters
also
resort to such behavior to pretest against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
policies.

Such trends are not at all healthy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violence
by any means
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be condemned
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protest
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Damaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
properties
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
wastage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
money. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
properties
are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
from the tax that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
pays and
they are for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. Youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Possible spelling mistake. 'sensitised' is British English.
sensitised
about this fact.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
damaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
have enacted laws. Miscreants are
Possible spelling mistake. 'penalised' is British English.
penalised
heavily
under those laws.

In a summary, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
damaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
property
for any reason is not at all acceptable and society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
curb the menace. Society should
publicly
embarrass such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Laws should
be enforced
strictly
in such cases. And such unlawful elements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
Do not mix variants of the same word ('penalize' and 'penalise') within a single text.
penalized
heavily
.

I am sure the future is bright. Society will be free of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
protest
will
be held
in civilized manner.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, youngsters protest against the system by damaging public properties. Is this justified? v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
297 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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