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In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree v.8

In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. 8
These days the rate of unmarried woman is significantly increasing. One of the undeniable explanations for this issue is that women are more and more independent in financial status and are able to lead a comfortable life without setting up a family. I completely agree with this topic and I will discuss it in the following paragraphs of this essay. To begin with, there are numerous reasons why women not ready to get married. The first and foremost reason is education. In the past time, girls were not allowed to study because of domestic violence. Moreover, the value of males was more than female due to that one of the earning hand in the home was male, therefore, only man had right to go to school and study. In addition to this, the girls' parents prefer to marry without being studied. However, now, the world has totally been changed and the mentality of people also changes. Moving further, women do not want to be married as they think that they would lose their freedom. They think that before marriage, they are free from restrictions and free to go easily where they want to go, whereas, after being married, they have to follow the rules and regulations of their other home. In spite of this, marriage can put pressure on them to do every work regarding their willingness. For example, a survey conducted by the university of Delhi reveals that 150 out of 200 women asked that they did not want to marry because there would earn money and other family not wanted them to continue their job so, they neglected to get married. All in all, marriage is a fabulous gift of nature and society to the human race and it should be practiced in a positive way.
These days the rate of unmarried woman is
significantly
increasing. One of the undeniable explanations for this issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are more and more independent in financial status and are able to lead a comfortable life without setting up a family. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this topic and I will discuss it in the following paragraphs of this essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are numerous reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
not ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married. The
first
and foremost reason is education. In the
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
, girls were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of domestic violence.
Moreover
, the value of males was more than female due to that one of the earning hand in the home was male,
therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
had right to go to school and study.
In addition
to this, the girls' parents prefer to marry without
being studied
.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, the world has
totally
been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and the mentality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.

Moving
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do not want to
be married
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they would lose their freedom. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
marriage, they are free from restrictions and free to go
easily
where they want to go, whereas, after
being married
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations of their other home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
this, marriage can put pressure on them to do every work regarding their willingness.
For example
, a survey conducted by the university of Delhi reveals that 150 out of 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
asked that they did not want to marry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there would earn money and other family not wanted them to continue their job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they neglected to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married.

All in all, marriage is a fabulous gift of nature and society to the human race and it should
be practiced
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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