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If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. v.2

If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. v. 2
People have different views about the function of museums. In my personal view, museums can and should play a role in both educating and entertaining. On the one hand, it can be argued that the main role of a museum is to educate. Museums contain and preserve a huge number of historical records and ancient objects, which is used to broaden people's knowledge of previous events, human history or world in the future. This means that museums have to find many different ways to explain and give knowledge to people clearly and easily. Some museums employ professional guides to talk to their visitors while the others offer headsets so that visitors can listen to the details about the records or exhibitions. In addition, a few schools organise extracurricular activities such as tours of the museums and after these tours, students have to write a report of their experience. By this way, museums can play an important role in teaching people about the history, culture, science, technology and many other aspects of life. On the other hand, many people think that museums are tourist attractions and entertaining places. Some museums relate to art, nature or technology are exhibiting a great quantity of interesting things that people want to see. In order to attract more visitors and diminish their boredom, many museums have taken advantage of advanced technology to make their exhibitions become vivid. Besides this way, some museums have held many games or interactive activities related to their exhibitions. In conclusion, it seems to me that museums should be able to offer recreational and educational experience so that people can both have fun and gain knowledge at the same time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the function of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. In my personal view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can and should play a role in both educating and entertaining.

On the one hand, it can
be argued
that the main role of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is to educate.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
contain and preserve a huge number of historical records and ancient objects, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to broaden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's knowledge of previous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, human history or world in the future. This means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
and give knowledge to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
clearly
and
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
employ professional guides to talk to their visitors while the others offer headsets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that visitors can listen to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about the records or exhibitions.
In addition
, a few schools
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
extracurricular activities such as tours of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and after these tours, students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
write a report of their experience. By this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
can play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the history, culture, science, technology and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other aspects of life.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are tourist attractions and entertaining places.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
relate to art, nature or technology are exhibiting a great quantity of interesting things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. In order to attract more visitors and diminish their boredom,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have taken advantage of advanced technology to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their exhibitions become vivid.
Besides
this way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have held
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
games or interactive activities related to their exhibitions.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should be able to offer recreational and educational experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can both have fun and gain knowledge at the same time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If you could go back to some time and place in the past, when and where would you go? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your choice. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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