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Many feel going to the gym is the best way to stay fit. Others think there are more effective methods. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many feel going to the gym is the best way to stay fit. Others think there are more effective methods. v. 1
A healthy lifestyle is the need of the hour. Most people believe that enrolling with a gym and doing the exercises is the best way to be in shape. This is true to some extent. Physical activity is required for every age group, be it the kids or adults. The gym provides ways to exercise or walk and run using machines. Although, this is beneficial, but still, other actions are needed to stay fit and healthy. Since, exercising alone is not going to keep one healthy, we need to maintain a balanced diet to stay ourselves active. It is very crucial to take care of what we are eating. We need to have a wholesome diet with carbohydrates, proteins, minerals, etc. People need to be aware of their calorie intake and they need to vouch for homemade food. Junk food or fast food, which have gained popularity lately, cause damage to our bodies. Packaged food of any kind, contains toxins which can lead to food poisoning sometimes. Nutritionists suggest to have fresh and green leafy vegetables, eggs, pulses in our daily meals and avoid oily foods as much as possible. Apart from above, doctors advise to walk at least for 45 minutes every day. However, there can be caveats for heart patients. Jogging is more effective when it comes to fitness. To summarize the above points, a healthy routine along with a good diet helps to stay fit and active throughout the day. While the gym is beneficial, a nutritious meal is equally important. This goes a long way when it comes to our health.
A healthy lifestyle is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of the hour. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that enrolling with a gym and doing the exercises is the best way to be in shape. This is true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. Physical activity
is required
for every age group, be it the kids or adults. The gym provides ways to exercise or walk and run using machines. Although, this is beneficial,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
, other actions
are needed
to stay fit and healthy.

Since, exercising alone is not going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
one healthy, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to maintain a balanced diet to stay ourselves active. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial to take care of what we are eating. We
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to have a wholesome diet with carbohydrates, proteins, minerals, etc.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be aware of their calorie
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
intake and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to vouch for homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which have gained popularity lately, cause damage to our bodies. Packaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
of any kind, contains toxins which can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
poisoning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
. Nutritionists
The verb 'suggest' is used with the gerund form: "suggest having".
suggest to have
fresh and green leafy vegetables, eggs, pulses in our daily meals and avoid oily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
as much as possible.

Apart from above, doctors advise
Did you mean "walking"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'advise' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to walk
at least for 45 minutes every day.
However
, there can be caveats for heart patients. Jogging is more effective when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to fitness.

To summarize
the above points, a healthy routine along with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
diet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to stay fit and active throughout the day. While the gym is beneficial, a nutritious meal is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. This goes a long way when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to our health.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many feel going to the gym is the best way to stay fit. Others think there are more effective methods. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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