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In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree? v.11

In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. v. 11
In recent times, there is a general lack of interest in settling down among mature females. It is perceived by many people, to be a result of increased financial independence among women. This essay will completely disagree with this idea, because I think this has more to do with constantly increasing breakup rate, rather than financial incentive. It is not uncommon, to see a significant section of people blaming the lack female lack of interest in marriage, on their improved ability to make money. In the past, most women become housewives immediately after the wedding, making them dependent on their husband for money. This trend has changed over the years, due to the fact that, women activity in the labour market now on par with men (thanks to feminism). For instance, engineering and the medical field which historically dominated by men, now experiences equal participation among both sexes. This ironically coincides with the decline in the number of weddings. However, I do consider the proponents of the idea above as misguided. It is a matter of fact, that the decline of marriage is not the fault of working women, but its associated with the increasing number of divorce cases. As a result, females generally consider the psychological impact of broken marriage as not worth risking. For example, recent studies by the Nigeria population agency show that the breakup rate is the most cited reason for the reduction in weddings. Moreover, the majority of women do not marry for financial reasons. In conclusion, this essay discussed, why people think working are women less interested in wedding, but also showed the fallacy of this school of thought, because studies point, to discouragement due to increased divorce rate.
In recent times, there is a general lack of interest in settling down among mature females. It
is perceived
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, to be a result of increased financial independence among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
. This essay will completely disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this has more to do with
constantly
increasing breakup rate,
rather
than financial incentive.

It is not uncommon, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a significant section of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
blaming the lack female lack of interest in marriage, on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money. In the past, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
become housewives immediately after the wedding, making them dependent on their husband for money. This trend has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the years, due to the fact that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
activity in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
on par with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
(thanks to feminism).
For instance
, engineering and the medical field which
historically
dominated by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
experiences equal participation among both sexes. This
ironically
coincides with the decline in the number of weddings.

However
, I do consider the proponents of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
above as misguided. It is a matter of fact, that the decline of marriage is not the fault of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its associated with the increasing number of divorce cases.
As a result
, females
generally
consider the psychological impact of broken marriage as not worth risking.
For example
, recent studies by the Nigeria population agency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the breakup rate is the most cited reason for the reduction in weddings.
Moreover
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
do not marry for financial reasons.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed, why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
working are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
less interested in wedding,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
the fallacy of this school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
studies point, to discouragement due to increased divorce rate.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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