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In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree? v.11

In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. v. 11
In recent times, there is a general lack of interest in settling down among mature females. It is perceived by many people, to be a result of increased financial independence among women. This essay will completely disagree with this idea, because I think this has more to do with constantly increasing breakup rate, rather than financial incentive. It is not uncommon, to see a significant section of people blaming the lack female lack of interest in marriage, on their improved ability to make money. In the past, most women become housewives immediately after the wedding, making them dependent on their husband for money. This trend has changed over the years, due to the fact that, women activity in the labour market now on par with men (thanks to feminism). For instance, engineering and the medical field which historically dominated by men, now experiences equal participation among both sexes. This ironically coincides with the decline in the number of weddings. However, I do consider the proponents of the idea above as misguided. It is a matter of fact, that the decline of marriage is not the fault of working women, but its associated with the increasing number of divorce cases. As a result, females generally consider the psychological impact of broken marriage as not worth risking. For example, recent studies by the Nigeria population agency show that the breakup rate is the most cited reason for the reduction in weddings. Moreover, the majority of women do not marry for financial reasons. In conclusion, this essay discussed, why people think working are women less interested in wedding, but also showed the fallacy of this school of thought, because studies point, to discouragement due to increased divorce rate.
In recent times, there is a general lack of interest in settling down among mature females. It
is perceived
by
many
people
, to be a result of increased financial independence among
women
. This essay will completely disagree with this
idea
,
because
I
think
this has more to do with
constantly
increasing breakup rate,
rather
than financial incentive.

It is not uncommon, to
see
a significant section of
people
blaming the lack female lack of interest in marriage, on their
improved
ability to
make
money. In the past, most
women
become housewives immediately after the wedding, making them dependent on their husband for money. This trend has
changed
over the years, due to the fact that,
women
activity in the
labour
market
now
on par with
men
(thanks to feminism).
For instance
, engineering and the medical field which
historically
dominated by
men
,
now
experiences equal participation among both sexes. This
ironically
coincides with the decline in the number of weddings.

However
, I do consider the proponents of the
idea
above as misguided. It is a matter of fact, that the decline of marriage is not the fault of working
women
,
but
its associated with the increasing number of divorce cases.
As a result
, females
generally
consider the psychological impact of broken marriage as not worth risking.
For example
, recent studies by the Nigeria population agency
show
that the breakup rate is the most cited reason for the reduction in weddings.
Moreover
, the majority of
women
do not marry for financial reasons.

In conclusion
, this essay discussed, why
people
think
working are
women
less interested in wedding,
but
also
showed
the fallacy of this school of
thought
,
because
studies point, to discouragement due to increased divorce rate.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn on their own income and therefore do not require the financial security marriage can bring. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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