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In many countries, weddings are expensive as compared to the past. It is a positive or negative development. v.1

In many countries, weddings are expensive as compared to the past. It is a positive or negative development. v. 1
The trend of a glamourous wedding has taken over the new generation by storm. I believe it to be a negative development not only because of its mega-disadvantages related to increasing debt and augmenting polarity in social segments, but also because of its primary flaw as becoming penny less in the future. This essay will explore how these mega-drawbacks make this development a positive one. Firstly, fancy matrimonial ceremonies divide society into rich and poor segments. This is to say, those who spend more money are considered wealthy and reputable, while those with simple arrangements are deemed a lower class of society. Take an example of Brazil, where a significant proportion of young people wanted to show-off by arranging an expensive gathering to look rich in society. Thus, separation of society into an upper and lower class make this development a negative one. Secondly, people run out of budget to make a lavish wedding. Since a fancy arrangement demands a hefty amount of money, people have to borrow money from banks, friends or relives ending up in debt. This fact can be better explained with an example of Germany, where the National bank has offered public a wedding loan at a 4% markup, and a large proportion is applying for the loan. Hence, pilling up the stress of debt has a negative impact on the married lives of youngsters. Finally, the future of people who became extravagant on marriage is on stake because this money could be spent on their own betterment such as health and travel insurance. Therefore, spending all savings on a wedding day is not a wise approach, in fact, it is an unwelcome development. To sum up, the trend of lavish weddings has a bad impact on people in terms of debenture, extending the gap between rich and poor and in the future prospect, all these mega-disadvantages make this a negative development.
The trend of a
Possible spelling mistake found.
glamourous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
has taken over the new generation by storm. I believe it to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its mega-disadvantages related to increasing debt and augmenting polarity in social segments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its primary flaw as becoming penny less in the future. This essay will explore how these mega-drawbacks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
one.

Firstly
, fancy matrimonial ceremonies divide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
into rich and poor segments. This is to say, those who spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are considered
wealthy and reputable, while those with simple arrangements
are deemed
a lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Take an example of Brazil, where a significant proportion of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wanted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
-off by arranging an expensive gathering to look rich in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Thus
, separation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
into an upper and lower
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
one.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
run out of budget to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a lavish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
. Since a fancy arrangement demands a hefty amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
borrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from banks, friends or relives ending up in debt. This fact can be better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
with an example of Germany, where the National bank has offered public a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
loan at a 4% markup, and a large proportion is applying for the loan.
Hence
, pilling up the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
of debt has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impact on the married
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of youngsters.

Finally
, the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who became extravagant on marriage is on stake
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could
be spent
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
betterment such as health and travel insurance.
Therefore
, spending all savings on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wedding
day is not a wise approach, in fact, it is an unwelcome development.

To sum up, the trend of lavish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weddings
has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in terms of debenture, extending the gap between rich and poor and in the future prospect, all these mega-disadvantages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
this a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS essay In many countries, weddings are expensive as compared to the past. It is a positive or negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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