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In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors, may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? v.5

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors, may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? v. 5
As a result of advances in the industry, many parts of our life are rapidly changing. However, change is not always for the better and in the case of unemployment of people with highly qualified graduates the situation has definitely become worse. For example, many people living in countries suffer from the disadvantages of graduates and even those living in well-off cities face serious competition. Thus, it is of greater concern that the causes and solutions of this phenomenon are discussed. The first and main cause that we can catch with ease is that a large number of countries have been facing serious economic recession. For example, due to the high level of development occurring in rich countries, many professionals prefer to leave their country and enhance their livability in developed countries. Consequently, many people decide to live in developed countries in an effort to improve their life quality. Besides, it is also undeniable that those with highly qualified graduates have insufficient career opportunities due to the presence of unbalanced job seekers to employer ratio. With regard to American Job Association, it shows that during the last few decades, a vast number of people in India with medical diploma weren’t capable of getting positions as job seekers boomed phenomenally. As a result, it argues that as population of poor nations increase, the number of job seekers tends to increase dramatically, with companies and factories providing less opportunities and positions. Despite these causes, there are fortunately several solutions. The most important one is that the government should introduce new regulation of providing employment funds and services. It is also certain that promoting entrepreneurial skills among earlier generations, especially for high scholars could have a positive influence on this issue. As such, they can develop their productive skills for their future. To recapitulate, although employment shortages of people with tertiary educations are the serious problem in our contemporary society, if the government provide not only the funds, but the promotion for young generations, the problem will be significantly minimized, allowing those people to get prepared.
As a result
of advances in the industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of our life are
rapidly
changing.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is not always for the better and in the case of unemployment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
highly
qualified graduates the situation has definitely become worse.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
suffer from the disadvantages of graduates and even those living in well-off cities face serious competition.
Thus
, it is of greater concern that the causes and solutions of this phenomenon
are discussed
.

The
first
and main cause that we can catch with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
is that
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have been facing serious economic recession.
For example
, due to the high level of development occurring in rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
professionals prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and enhance their livability in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in an effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their life quality.
Besides
, it is
also
undeniable that those with
highly
qualified graduates have insufficient career opportunities due to the presence of unbalanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers to employer ratio. With regard to American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Job
Association, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that during the last few decades, a vast number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in India with medical diploma weren’t capable of getting positions as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers boomed
phenomenally
.
As a result
, it argues that as population of poor nations increase, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers tends to increase
dramatically
, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and factories providing
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun opportunities is countable.
less
opportunities and positions.

Despite these causes, there are
fortunately
several solutions. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should introduce new regulation of providing employment funds and services. It is
also
certain that promoting entrepreneurial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
among earlier generations,
especially
for high scholars could have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on this issue. As such, they can develop their productive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for their future.

To recapitulate, although employment shortages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with tertiary educations are the serious problem in our contemporary society, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
provide not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the funds,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the promotion for young generations, the problem will be
significantly
minimized, allowing those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
prepared.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors, may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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