Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries today, people buy a range of household goods (television, microwave, oven, and rice cookers) Is it a positive or negative development? v.2

In many countries today, people buy a range of household goods (television, microwave, oven, and rice cookers) Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2
Electronic device has brought significant benefits to our lives in the past fifty years. Yet there remain some disagreements as to whether the increasingly growing use of household goods is a positive or negative trend. While there are valid arguments to the contrary arguing that purchase and use of household goods can lead to sedentary lifestyle, it is my personal view that the benefits of them far outweigh their drawbacks. First of all, it is an indisputable fact that household goods facilitate the way we do household chores. In this hustle life like today, thanks to electronic device house stuffs is no more a burden on people who are bread-winners in family. Not only does the use house goods reduce time needed to complete the tasks, but it is also economical in terms of finance. Take the case of rice cook as a salient example. We used to have to buy coal and then make it burn to cook the rice, which took hours and lots of money. With the use of rice cookers, however, cooking the rice can be done just by a push of a button. Equally important, the growing use of house goods causes the users to be more intelligent. Were it not for television, it would be difficult for us to catch the news as well as watch live game show. Controlling these electronic devices, furthermore, force users to read the manual instructions and apply into practical cases, which in consequence make users wiser. Even though the risk of obesity resulted from the very comfortable life is real, it can be eliminated easily by not abusing them to an extent. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that purchasing and using household goods exerts positive impact on our lives rather than detrimental effects. In year to come, I do believe that education programs showing how to use electronic device smartly and properly should be provided widely to reduce the risk of sedentary lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
has brought significant benefits to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the past fifty years.
Yet
there remain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disagreements
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
the
increasingly
growing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend. While there are valid arguments to the contrary arguing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
can lead to sedentary lifestyle, it is my personal view that the benefits of them far outweigh their drawbacks.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is an indisputable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
facilitate the way we do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
chores. In this hustle life like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
stuffs is no more a burden on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are bread-winners in family. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
time needed to complete the tasks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
also
economical in terms of finance. Take the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rice
cook as a salient example. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
coal and then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it burn to cook the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rice
, which took hours and lots of money. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rice
cookers,
however
, cooking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rice
can
be done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by a push of a button.

Equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, the growing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
causes the users to be more intelligent. Were it not for television, it would be difficult for us to catch the news
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
game
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
. Controlling these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
,
furthermore
, force users to read the manual instructions and apply into practical cases, which in consequence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
users wiser.
Even though
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of obesity resulted from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
comfortable life is real, it can
be eliminated
easily
by not abusing them to an extent.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that purchasing and using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
exerts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
rather
than detrimental effects. In year to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
, I do believe that education programs showing how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
smartly
and
properly
should
be provided
widely
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of sedentary lifestyle.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries today, people buy a range of household goods (television, microwave, oven, and rice cookers) Is it a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts