Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In many countries today people are choosing to have fewer children. Why is this case? What are the effects of this trend on society? v.1

In many countries today people are choosing to have fewer children. Why is this case? What are the effects of this trend on society? v. 1
It is common knowledge that there has been an increasing number of people from several different backgrounds immigrating to large cities. In my opinion, this trend results from many reasons, and it causes some pressing problems in those metropolises. To begin with, I firmly believe that there are some specific reasons why I think moving to mega cities becomes a popularity. With the advent of advanced technology, manual agricultural practices in rural countries have become old-fashioned. These traditional methods are now replaced by automated robots, causing many peasants to be unemployed. As those large cities are offering a wide variety of jobs for their residents, immigrants will have more golden opportunities to get a well-paid job, which, as a result, assists them in making both ends meet for their family as well as improving the standards of living in the near future. Another reason which needs taken into account is that education systems in urban regions are widely believed to be beneficial for students' study progresses. For instance, prestigious universities and institutions in many developed countries such as America, England and Australia are well-known for providing both local and international students with up-to-date learning facilities for their studies in addition to a broad range of job opportunities, which, to my way of thinking, can be a great contributor for their lives in the future. As advantageous moving to urban areas might be, it can lead to many problems. As the number of people leaving their old lifestyles behind and moving to other developed countries continues to be on the rise, that traffic congestion in mega cities are inevitable, which consequently leads to an upward trend in a great deal of carbon emissions. The question is, if this trend goes on, what will happen next to our planet besides global heating and other environmental crises? Moreover, overpopulation in metropolises will somehow affect the local economy because the authorities may have to make more efforts to welcome the newcomers by fulfilling their basic needs such as accommodation and healthcare. Last but not least, when it comes to employment, there is no doubt that the growth in the number of urban citizens will cause the decline in job quality owing to inability of employers to manage on the whole. To conclude, while I agree that moving to urban areas which is becoming a popular tendency brings countless benefits for people, I think that it can cause lots of aforementioned consequences.
It is common knowledge that there has been an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds immigrating to large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. In my opinion, this trend results from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons, and it causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pressing problems in those metropolises.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I
firmly
believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific reasons why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
to mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
becomes a popularity. With the advent of advanced technology, manual agricultural practices in rural countries have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned. These traditional methods are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
replaced by automated robots, causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
peasants to
be unemployed
. As those large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are offering a wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for their residents, immigrants will have more golden opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, which,
as a result
, assists them in making both ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
for their family
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
improving the standards of living in the near future. Another reason which needs
"needs taken" is only accepted in certain dialects. For something more widely acceptable, try "taken" or "to be taken".
taken
into account is that education systems in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
regions are
widely
believed to be beneficial for students' study progresses.
For instance
, prestigious universities and institutions in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
such as America, England and Australia are well-known for providing both local and international students with up-to-date learning facilities for their studies
in addition
to a broad range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities, which, to my way of thinking, can be a great contributor for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in the future.

As advantageous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
areas might be, it can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems. As the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
leaving their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
lifestyles behind and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
continues to be on the rise, that traffic congestion in mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are inevitable, which
consequently
leads to an upward trend in a great deal of carbon emissions. The question is, if this trend goes on, what will happen
next
to our planet
besides
global heating and other environmental crises?
Moreover
, overpopulation in metropolises will somehow affect the local economy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the authorities may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more efforts to welcome the newcomers by fulfilling their basic needs such as accommodation and healthcare. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to employment, there is no doubt that the growth in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
citizens will cause the decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
quality owing to inability of employers to manage
on the whole
.

To conclude
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moving
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
areas which is becoming a popular tendency brings countless benefits for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it can cause lots of aforementioned consequences.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries today people are choosing to have fewer children. Why is this case? What are the effects of this trend on society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
407 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts