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4. Fewer and fewer young people are choosing to become a teacher. Why do young people do not want to become teachers? how could this be changed? v.1

4. Fewer and fewer young people are choosing to become a teacher. Why do young people do not want to become teachers? how could this be changed? v. 1
The pursuit of teaching as a profession by young people is declining. In my opinion, this is due to many causes including salaries and the amount of workload. However, there are solutions to mitigate these problems. The main reasons young people do not aspire to become teachers are unattractive salaries and heavy workload. For instance, the paycheque of a teacher with 5 years of experience in the field in the UK is minuscule i as compared to a doctor with the same level of experience. Similarly, many teachers stay in school until late hours for homework checking. Moreover, a significant amount of their family time is used lecture preparation at home. Therefore, a career as a teacher is rapidly and, understandably, becoming unpopular among young individuals. Despite there problems, teaching as a job can be made tempting for young citizens by offering salary packages and teacher friendly environment. This can be achieved by increased funds allocation to schools and universities so that they can hike up the salaries of teachers. This will decrease the void between levels of salaries of teachers and other professionals. This will also contribute towards better working conditions as these high salaries will attract more people to the job of teaching, Consequently, due to the increased number of teachers, the workload will be redistributed to a fair level among teachers. Hence the improved work-life balance will incite young people to become teachers. In conclusion, the fewer number of young teachers can be attributed to the less attractive pay grades and unfair workload. But the condition can be improved by increasing salaries as well as the workforce.
The pursuit of teaching as a profession by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
declining. In my opinion, this is due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
and the amount of workload.
However
, there are solutions to mitigate these problems.

The main reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not aspire to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are unattractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
and heavy workload.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
paycheque
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
with 5 years of experience in the field in the UK is minuscule i as compared to a doctor with the same level of experience.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
stay in school until late hours for homework checking.
Moreover
, a significant amount of their family time is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
lecture preparation at home.
Therefore
, a career as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
is
rapidly
and,
understandably
, becoming unpopular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals.

Despite there problems, teaching as a job can
be made
tempting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
citizens by offering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
packages and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
friendly environment. This can
be achieved
by increased funds allocation to schools and universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can hike up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. This will decrease the void between levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and other professionals.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
This
will
also
contribute towards better working conditions as these high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
will attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the job of teaching,
Consequently
, due to the increased number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
, the workload will
be redistributed
to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
level among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
work-life balance will incite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become teachers.

In conclusion
, the fewer number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
can
be attributed
to the less attractive pay grades and unfair workload.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the condition can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
as well
as the workforce.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay 4. Fewer and fewer young people are choosing to become a teacher. Why do young people do not want to become teachers? how could this be changed? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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