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In many countries there are an increasing number of private cars what are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend v.1

In many countries there are an increasing number of private cars what are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend v. 1
Traffic jams have become a serious problem in recent years. This has been caused by immigration and a huge rise in private vehicle use. But, these challenges can be easily tackled. In this essay, I will try to elaborate why congestion occurs and propose straightforward solutions. The main reason why congestion prevails is that all the good jobs are available in cities. For example, as a software engineer, I would not even find a job if I am stuck in my hometown. As can be predicted, to be offered a decent salary, it is best for me to move to metropolitan areas. This is the same case for almost all qualified people. If the goal is to tackle this challenge, governments should be able to raise employment opportunities in rural zones. For instance, one of the largest car manufacturers, Toyota built many factories in rural areas in different countries. Undoubtedly, all these places have developed extensively thanks to this. They have attracted many qualified employees from cities. This has significantly reduced the load in cities. Another cause is that many people have owned a car in the last 2 decades. Back then, it was a privilege for the rich only. But, the cost of having a private vehicle has dropped a lot during this time. Because of this, you are likely to see far more cars on the roads anymore. Even a poor person can afford to drive anymore. This inevitably contributes to congestion, especially in crowded areas. In order to eliminate this, governments should improve the quality of service in public transport. Above all, they should run more often and the cost should be lowered as much as possible. If people do not waste time and spend less, they will surely give up their own cars. In conclusion, congestion is a serious problem. Immigration and cheaper pricing for cars are responsible for this, but this issue can be solved by improving public transport and creating jobs in rural areas.
Traffic jams have become a serious problem in recent years. This has
been caused
by immigration and a huge rise in private vehicle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, these challenges can be
easily
tackled. In this essay, I will try to elaborate why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
occurs and propose straightforward solutions.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
prevails is that all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs are available in cities.
For example
, as a software engineer, I would not even find a job if I
am stuck
in my hometown. As can
be predicted
, to
be offered
a decent salary, it is best for me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. This is the same case for almost all qualified
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. If the goal is to tackle this challenge,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should be able to raise employment opportunities in rural zones.
For instance
, one of the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
manufacturers, Toyota built
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factories in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.
Undoubtedly
, all these places have developed
extensively
thanks to this. They have attracted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
qualified employees from cities. This has
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the load in cities.

Another cause is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
in the last 2 decades. Back then, it was a privilege for the rich
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the cost of having a private vehicle has dropped a lot during this time.
Because of this
, you are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
far more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
on the roads anymore. Even a poor person can afford to drive anymore. This
inevitably
contributes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
,
especially
in crowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. In order to eliminate this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of service in public transport.
Above all
, they should run more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
and the cost should
be lowered
as much as possible. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not waste time and spend less, they will
surely
give up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
congestion
is a serious problem. Immigration and cheaper pricing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
are responsible for this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this issue can
be solved
by improving public transport and creating jobs in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay In many countries there are an increasing number of private cars what are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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