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Nowadays young people know less about tradition and culture than in past. What are the reasons for it? what can be done to improve this situation? v.1

Nowadays young people know less about tradition and culture than in past. What are the reasons for it? what can be done to improve this situation? v. 1
In the current scenario, the amount of stress put by the parents on their children to succeed has been increasing, may it be getting better grades or grabbing a higher salary package. There are various reasons for this tendency, however, the major one according to me is to keep up with the Joneses. While, this is bringing about positive changes such as encouraging the students to achieve better and to view each other as competitors, I believe that, this competition is rather unhealthy and the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. The primary reason for this according to me is that nowadays parents want their child to do better that other children. It is the societal pressure, which is driving the parents to make sure that their child is getting a better score than their friend's and is earning more than the other. Forgetting what the true happiness actually lies in, they have started to measure success and happiness in terms of money and materialistic things. Also, parents opine that these things would result in a secured and comfortable future. In the first place, pressuring the students too much has created an atmosphere of unhealthy competition and jealousy among themselves. The constant comparisons that parents make to improve their child's performance with respect to the other has caused the students to view one another as rivals. This degrades one's morale and further, makes the person demotivated or on a more negative side angered by other's success. This can be clearly seen from the fact that many students now tend to conceal important knowledge and information from each other. This is significantly impacting the interpersonal student relationships. Looking further into the matter, students take a lot of stress to get better at the things they do and failing to do so, they tend to get easily depressed and fall prey to bad habits such as drugs. Also, as an extreme step, they commit suicide when they are unable to meet their parents' expectations. This is evident from the have been increasing number of suicides taking place on students failing in exams or not getting a desirable score or job. In conclusion, in the race of securing their child's future, parents have started to rob the children of their present by keeping unnecessary expectations. The several reasons listed above have been proven detrimental to student's mental health and is pushing them to the edges of death. As discussed above, there are various demerits in comparison to the merits.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
scenario, the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
put by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
on their children to succeed has been increasing, may it be getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
grades or grabbing a higher salary package. There are various reasons for this tendency,
however
, the major one according to me is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Joneses
. While, this is bringing about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
such as encouraging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and to view each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
as competitors, I believe that, this competition is
rather
unhealthy and the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.

The primary reason for this according to me is that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
want their child to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
children. It is the societal pressure, which is driving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that their child is getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
score than their friend's and is earning more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. Forgetting what the true happiness actually lies in, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to measure success and happiness in terms of money and materialistic things.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
opine that these things would result in a secured and comfortable future.

In the
first
place, pressuring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
too much has created an atmosphere of unhealthy competition and jealousy among themselves. The constant comparisons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their child's performance with respect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
has caused the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to view one another as rivals. This degrades one's morale and
further
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the person demotivated or on a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side angered by other's success. This can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
tend to conceal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
knowledge and information from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
This
is
significantly
impacting the interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
relationships. Looking
further
into the matter,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
at the things they do and failing to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easily
depressed and fall prey to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits such as drugs.
Also
, as an extreme step, they commit suicide when they are unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their parents' expectations. This is evident from the have been increasing number of suicides taking place on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
failing in exams or not getting a desirable score or job.

In conclusion
, in the race of securing their child's future,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to rob the children of their present by keeping unnecessary expectations. The several reasons listed above have
been proven
detrimental to student's mental health and is pushing them to the edges of death. As discussed above, there are various demerits
in comparison
to the merits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays young people know less about tradition and culture than in past. What are the reasons for it? what can be done to improve this situation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
414 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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