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In many Countries the amount of crime is increasing What do you think are the main causes of Crime How can we deal with those causes v.1

In many Countries the amount of crime is increasing What do you think are the main causes of Crime How can we deal with those causes v. 1
Criminal activities have shown growth in most parts of the world. There are several reasons but in my opinion two major reasons are lack of formal education and unemployment and they are related to each other. A recent study shows that crime rate has declined by approximately 30% in those countries where better employment opportunities are available like South Korea, UAE and Qatar. To succeed in creating better job opportunities the government should introduce right policies and implement them without any discrimination. For instance, the UAE has introduced a new system that makes it easy to start your own business and have strict labor law to protect employee rights which ultimately helps to divert young people from any kind of criminal activities. Another solution which can play an important role in preventing people especially youngsters from indulging in any kind of illegal activities is formal education. China is the right example for that. Recently Tim Cook CEO of Apple Corporation said in his interview that China holds the biggest pool of skilled labor than any other country. This was only possible through introducing free formal technical education policy to their young people and providing onsite experience at the same time. People can also play an important role in reduction of crime rate by being more vigilant and responsible in their neighborhood. To conclude, lack of education and employment opportunities are the main reasons for the increase in the crime rate. By providing vocational education for free or at affordable rates and by creating more employment opportunities the government can address this problem to a great extent.
Criminal activities have shown growth in most parts of the world. There are several reasons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion two major reasons are lack of formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
unemployment and
they
are related
to each other.

A recent study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
has declined by approximately 30% in those countries where better employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
are available like South Korea, UAE and Qatar. To succeed in creating better job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should introduce right policies and implement them without any discrimination.
For instance
, the UAE has introduced a new system that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business and have strict labor law to protect employee rights which
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to divert young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from any kind of criminal activities.

Another solution which can play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
youngsters from indulging in any kind of illegal activities is formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. China is the right example for that. Recently Tim Cook CEO of Apple Corporation said in his interview that China holds the biggest pool of skilled labor than any other country. This was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible through introducing free formal technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
policy to their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and providing onsite experience at the same time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
also
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in reduction of crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
by being more vigilant and responsible in their neighborhood.

To conclude
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
are the main reasons for the increase in the crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
. By providing vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for free or at affordable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
and by creating more employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can address this problem to a great extent.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In many Countries the amount of crime is increasing What do you think are the main causes of Crime How can we deal with those causes v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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