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In many Countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of Crime? How can we deal with those causes? v.21

In many Countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of Crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 21
Lack of skilled workers and limited choices made people of the previous generation skilled in stitches or fixing the household things. The easy accessibility of skilled workers, busy schedule, and availability of alternative products restricts a person to learn new skills. To begin with, nowadays, professional people who have done training or acquired knowledge of stitching or repairing the households things are available at a minimal cost. For instance, a person does not have to learn tailoring skills if they want to stitch as per their choice. Instead, they can purchase a piece of fabric and give it to a tailor. Moreover, they can save time and money by purchasing ready made clothes. In stores, the products are available at an economical price due to the competitive market. Today's generation has a busy schedule, hence, they do not have the intention to learn the skills. Secondly, as I live in a developing country, the majority of people are of the working-class. Therefore, they do not have time to acquire such skills. They prefer to hire a skilled individual to do the household maintenance work. Additionally, people tend to do online shopping, as it is more convenient, have options to choose from different varieties and time-saving. For instance, a person can use an app to choose clothes which have options and varieties. Moreover, they can use the promo code to avail discounts on their purchase. In conclusion, as the tailoring and repairing skills have become professional work, people are not willing to learn these skills, as a result, those skills are vanishing.
Lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
workers and limited choices made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the previous generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
in stitches or fixing the household things. The easy accessibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
workers, busy schedule, and availability of alternative products restricts a person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays, professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have done training or acquired knowledge of stitching or repairing the households things are available at a minimal cost.
For instance
, a person does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
tailoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
if they want to stitch as per their choice.
Instead
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a piece of fabric and give it to a tailor.
Moreover
, they can save time and money by purchasing
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ready made
clothes. In stores, the products are available at an economical price due to the competitive market.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
's generation has a busy schedule,
hence
, they do not have the intention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Secondly
, as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the working-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Therefore
, they do not have time to acquire such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. They prefer to hire a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skilled
individual to do the household maintenance work.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to do online shopping, as it is more convenient, have options to choose from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
varieties and time-saving.
For instance
, a person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
an app to choose clothes which have options and varieties.
Moreover
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the promo code to avail discounts on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.

In conclusion
, as the tailoring and repairing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
have become professional work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
as a result
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are vanishing.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many Countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of Crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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