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In many Countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of Crime? How can we deal with those causes? v.18

In many Countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of Crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 18
Criminal activities have shown growth in most parts of the world. This essay believes that the major reason for the increase in crime is unemployment and the most viable solution to this problem is creating more job opportunities. Most people believe that the steady rise of unemployment leads to a relative increase in criminal offence rate. This is because when an individual is unemployed, he/she lacks a source of legitimate income and is unable to make the ends meet, they find it hard to decide between right and wrong and consequently, they indulge in illegal activities like burglary, drug smuggling, and other serious offences to make an income to fulfil their basic needs. To quote an instance, as per the latest report published by the WHO, in Africa, 71% of the young criminals confessed that they were involved in illegal activities due to lack of income. To control the rate of breach in society, and the government and business community should create job opportunities for both skilled and unskilled workers. Furthermore, the wages paid to the young employees must be attractive so that they do not get tempted to join illegal activities and live a better life. To illustrate, the UAE has recently implemented a plan to create more jobs for the unemployed, and it has cut down the crime rate to 55% within a year. In conclusion, although lack of employment is the major issue that has resulted in the rise in atrocity, however, to address this problem, the state and the corporate should go hand in hand and bring more job openings.
Criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
have shown growth in most parts of the world. This essay believes that the major reason for the increase in crime is unemployment and the most viable solution to this problem is creating more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities.

Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the steady rise of unemployment leads to a relative increase in criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
rate. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when an individual
is unemployed
, he/she lacks a source of legitimate income and is unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
, they find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to decide between right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and
consequently
, they indulge in illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
like burglary, drug smuggling, and other serious
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an income to fulfil their basic needs. To quote an instance, as per the latest report published by the WHO, in Africa, 71% of the young criminals confessed that they
were involved
in illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
due to lack of income.

To control the rate of breach in society, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and business community should create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities for both skilled and unskilled workers.
Furthermore
, the wages paid to the young employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tempted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a better life. To illustrate, the UAE has recently implemented a plan to create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for the unemployed, and it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the crime rate to 55% within a year.

In conclusion
, although lack of employment is the major issue that has resulted in the rise in atrocity,
however
, to address this problem, the state and the corporate should go hand in hand and bring more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
openings.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many Countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of Crime? How can we deal with those causes? v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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