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In many countries, students take a year gap after finishing school and work or travel during this period. Should students take a gap year before attending universities? What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v.5

In many countries, students take a year gap after finishing school and work or travel during this period. Should students take a gap year before attending universities? What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v. 5
Taking a gap year off between high school and the university has become a popular choice for many students. There are a number of common ways they utilise this time; such as travelling abroad, volunteering or working.   I personally believe that this kind of experience should be recommended to students more actively since they can offer youngsters several benefits. Spending time outside of school indicates that students can encounter opportunities to interact with people who they are not used to communicating with. Foreigners they meet while travelling overseas or colleagues from volunteering and work enable them to develop exceptional social skills to talk to others with cultural, racial or age differences. Such experiences can subsequently motivate them to be a more confident and outgoing person, which is believed to help them establish a solid social network. Another distinctive advantage that a gap year break can give to students is a time to try out different types of practical work. Many teenagers graduate from high school without having clear occupational plans. However, participating in work experience programs or working part-time before starting university can broaden their perspectives on career choices. An exemplary case can be illustrated by looking at my sister, who spent six months teaching English in Cambodia during her gap year. While she was looking after the disadvantaged local kids, she developed a desire to work for international charity organisations and she enrolled in an international studies degree. In conclusion, I am convinced that the society should encourage more high school graduates because the process of establishing social skills and trials on different jobs can provide them with invaluable life experiences.
Taking a gap year off between high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and the university has become a popular choice for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. There are a number of common ways they
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
this time; such as travelling abroad, volunteering or working.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
I
personally
believe that this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
should
be recommended
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more
actively
since they can offer youngsters several benefits.

Spending time outside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
indicates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can encounter opportunities to interact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to communicating with. Foreigners they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
while travelling overseas or colleagues from volunteering and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
enable them to develop exceptional social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to talk to others with cultural, racial or age differences. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
can
subsequently
motivate them to be a more confident and outgoing person, which
is believed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them establish a solid social network.

Another distinctive advantage that a gap year break can give to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is a time to try out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
graduate from high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
without having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
occupational plans.
However
, participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
programs or working part-time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting university can broaden their perspectives on career choices. An exemplary case can
be illustrated
by looking at my sister, who spent six months teaching English in Cambodia during her gap year. While she was looking after the disadvantaged local kids, she developed a desire to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for international charity
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
organisations and
she enrolled in an international studies degree.

In conclusion
, I
am convinced
that the society should encourage more high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
graduates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the process of establishing social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and trials on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
jobs can provide them with invaluable life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, students take a year gap after finishing school and work or travel during this period. Should students take a gap year before attending universities? What are the advantages and disadvantages of it? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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