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In many countries, schoolchildren are required to wear school uniforms. Do you think this should be enforced in all schools? v.2

In many countries, schoolchildren are required to wear school uniforms. Do you think this should be enforced in all schools? v. 2
It is often believed that a uniform helps create a disciplined atmosphere at school. I agree with this view. In my opinion, students should be required to wear uniforms because of the many benefits offered by it. There are many reasons why the uniform is essential in schools. Firstly, it creates an optimistic environment in schools; consequently, the propriety of the institute is maintained efficiently as poor children are not frightened on the basis of their dresses. This also eradicates any inequality between rich and poor students. To illustrate my point, take the example of India, where the institutional clothes are mandatory, it helps the Indian government to make an unbiased environment between students. Thus, a happy environment is created. Another point is that the dress code enables children to concentrate more on studies rather than on their wardrobe. When they do not have to worry about what to wear to school, they can work to achieve their goals. Moreover, parents’ hard earned money is saved as children are supposed to abide by uniforms. For instance, many parents are happy to send their children to schools where dress code is compulsory so that they can save the money. Nevertheless, despite the benefits, there are certain minor drawbacks. For example, standard size uniforms may not be comfortable for obese children. However, those children can get their institute clothes stitched by a tailor. Another minor issue is that students may get tired of wearing the same piece of clothing every day; however, this problem can be resolved by having different uniforms on different days. In conclusion, uniform makes it easier to maintain discipline at school and create an atmosphere of equality. Enforcing a rule that requires students to abide by a dress code has more advantages than disadvantages.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
create a disciplined atmosphere at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be required
to wear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits offered by it.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
is essential in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Firstly
, it creates an optimistic environment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
;
consequently
, the propriety of the institute
is maintained
efficiently
as poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not frightened on the basis of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dresses
. This
also
eradicates any inequality between rich and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. To illustrate my point, take the example of India, where the institutional clothes are mandatory, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the Indian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an unbiased environment between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Thus
, a happy environment
is created
.

Another point is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
code enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to concentrate more on studies
rather
than on their wardrobe. When they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
worry about what to wear to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they can work to achieve their goals.
Moreover
, parents’
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
hard earned
money
is saved
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are supposed
to abide by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents are happy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
code is compulsory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can save the money.

Nevertheless
, despite the benefits, there are certain minor drawbacks.
For example
, standard size
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
may not be comfortable for obese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their institute clothes stitched by a tailor. Another minor issue is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired of wearing the same piece of clothing every day;
however
, this problem can
be resolved
by having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniforms
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
days.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uniform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier to maintain discipline at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and create an atmosphere of equality. Enforcing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to abide by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
code has more advantages than disadvantages.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, schoolchildren are required to wear school uniforms. Do you think this should be enforced in all schools? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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