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In many countries people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors nurses and teachers Why do you think this happens in some societies Do you consider it good or bad v.2

In many countries people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors nurses and teachers Why do you think this happens in some societies Do you consider it good or bad v. 2
Nowadays, gender equality is a major issue in education so that there are conflicting views about their equal acceptance in all the college branches. A lot of people, including myself, believe that a balance must be kept between them. While others think that it is not necessary. The majority of society convinces that accepting a similar number of male and female promote to gender equality. So all of them have the same chance to be accepted in the field, which they have applied. In order to get the dreamed job in the future. In Iraq, for instance, for being a detective, the male has a higher chance of acceptance. Leaving fewer female applicants. Consequently, sex inequality should be neglected by universities to a degree that each gender has exactly the same rights to study the subject which they are interested in. In contrast, minority of communities argue that it is not beneficial for some colleges to take equal numbers of all genders. The reason for this is a few special missions not only would be merely do by males, but it is not imaginable for a female to do them. Girls are advised to not apply for these branches since it results in getting no job vacancies when they graduate. Mechanical engineer, for example, has the highest number of men working in the field. Thus, a part of society thinks that sex equality should not be considered for a few university branches. In conclusion, sex inequality is a world wide problem and must be solved in order for both genders to be equally treated in all aspects of their lives because both of them deserve similar amount of attention from their society.
Nowadays, gender equality is a major issue in education
so
that there are conflicting views about their equal acceptance in all the college branches.
A lot of
people
, including myself, believe that a balance
must
be
kept
between them.
While
others
think
that it is not necessary.

The majority of society convinces that accepting a similar number of male and female promote to gender equality.
So
all of them have the same chance to be
accepted
in the field, which they have applied. In order to
get
the dreamed job in the future. In Iraq,
for instance
, for being a detective, the male has a higher chance of acceptance. Leaving fewer female applicants.
Consequently
, sex inequality should
be neglected
by universities to a degree that each gender has exactly the same rights to study the subject which they
are interested
in.

In contrast
, minority of communities argue that it is not beneficial for
some
colleges to take equal numbers of all genders.
The reason for this is
a few special missions not
only
would be
merely
do
by males,
but
it is not imaginable for a female to do them. Girls
are advised
to not apply for these branches since it results in getting no job vacancies when they graduate. Mechanical engineer,
for example
, has the highest number of
men
working in the field.
Thus
, a part of society
thinks
that sex equality should not
be considered
for a few university branches.

In conclusion
, sex inequality is a
world wide
problem and
must
be solved
in order for both genders to be
equally
treated in all aspects of their
lives
because
both of them deserve similar amount of attention from their society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries people working in sport and entertainment earn much more money than professionals like doctors nurses and teachers Why do you think this happens in some societies Do you consider it good or bad v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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