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In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v.8

In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 8
Nowadays, people in many countries live with different health-related issues because they do not have a healthy lifestyle. In my opinion, this is due to their lack of exercising and poor dietary habits. This could be curtailed by incorporating exercise into their daily lives and by promoting the cooking of healthy meals in fast food restaurants. One of the main reasons why people have health problems is their lack of exercising. People nowadays are trying to climb the corporate ladder and in doing so, they work for longer hours and not have time to exercise. For example, an administrative assistant who wishes to be promoted would perform more tasks which would lead to working for long hours, therefore, preventing him from having the time to exercise. Another reason is the poor dietary habits. Many workers do not have the time to cook healthy foods, hereby, making them go to fast food restaurants to buy food as the price is reasonable and the meal is tasty. For instance, a corporate worker would prefer buying food from restaurants instead of making it, as it saves time. Nevertheless, this health problem could be controlled through numerous ways. Firstly, by incorporating exercise into people's lives. The importance of exercising should be taught from their childhood. If the habit of exercising is instilled into the younger generation, it would help them live a healthier life when they become adults. Finally, by promoting the inclusion of healthy meals in fast food menu. Fast food should provide healthy food choices in their menu. To illustrate, So Fresh, a restaurant in Nigeria has added a variety of salads to their menu. These salads are a healthy choice for people and are also filling. In conclusion, in many countries, people suffer health issues because of their unhealthy lifestyles. These lifestyles is encouraged as a result of people's lack of exercising and poor dietary habits, but these could remedied by laying emphasis on the importance of exercising and also by promoting incorporating healthy meals to fast food menu.
Nowadays,
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people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
health-related issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle. In my opinion, this is due to their lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
and poor dietary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
. This could
be curtailed
by incorporating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
into their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and by promoting the cooking of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants.

One of the main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have health problems is their lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
nowadays are trying to climb the corporate ladder and in doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they work for longer hours and not have time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
For example
, an administrative assistant who wishes to
be promoted
would perform more tasks which would lead to working for long hours,
therefore
, preventing him from having the time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. Another reason is the poor dietary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
workers do not have the time to cook
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, hereby, making them go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as the price is reasonable and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
is tasty.
For instance
, a corporate worker would prefer buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from restaurants
instead
of making it, as it saves time.

Nevertheless
, this health problem could
be controlled
through numerous ways.
Firstly
, by incorporating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. The importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
should
be taught
from their childhood. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
is instilled
into the younger generation, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a healthier life when they become adults.
Finally
, by promoting the inclusion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
menu
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choices in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
menu
. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Fresh, a restaurant in Nigeria has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
a variety of salads to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
menu
. These salads are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
choice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and are
also
filling.

In conclusion
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries,
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people
suffer health issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their unhealthy lifestyles. These lifestyles
You should probably use: "are".
is
encouraged
as a result
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
and poor dietary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "remedy"
remedied
by laying emphasis on the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercising
and
also
by promoting incorporating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
menu
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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