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In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. what do you think are the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v.10

In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. what do you think are the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 10
Globally, people are increasingly succumbing to various diseases and health problems, which has become a great cause of concern today. In this essay, I will argue how diet and sedentary lifestyle have become the primary culprits for this menace. Firstly, diet is the primary cause for making people unhealthy. For instance, it is widely known that certain countries that follow an unhealthy diet plan, have a lower life expectancy compared to the ones where they follow a healthier diet. This is mainly attributed to the deficiency in the nutrient intake and as well as the higher caloric intake, because of the excessive sugar and carbohydrates in the food. Also, from the age old proverb ' you are what you eat', it can be inferred that people can live longer and healthier with the correct food. Secondly, sedentary lifestyle can cause huge detriments to our health. For example, it is a globally accepted fact that exercise can help in reducing blood pressure and glucose, which can be considered as the root of all diseases. Not only does exercise help in removing toxins out of the body, but also helps in the proper functioning of all organs, which are vital to maintain a healthy body. Thus, it is clear to us that leading a sedentary lifestyle can be unhealthy for us, in the long run. In conclusion, diet and sedentary lifestyles are the main reasons why people become unhealthy. Still, there are millions of people worldwide who does not follow them and feel sick. Measures need to be taken to educate individuals about the importance of maintaining a healthy diet and lifestyle.
Globally,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
increasingly
succumbing to various diseases and health problems, which has become a great cause of concern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. In this essay, I will argue how diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
have become the primary culprits for this menace.

Firstly
, diet is the primary cause for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
.
For instance
, it is
widely
known that certain countries that follow an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
diet plan, have a lower life expectancy compared to the ones where they follow a healthier diet. This is
mainly
attributed to the deficiency in the nutrient intake and
as well
as the higher caloric intake,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the excessive sugar and carbohydrates in the food.
Also
, from the age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
proverb
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
you are what you eat', it can
be inferred
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer and healthier with the correct food.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
can cause huge detriments to our health.
For example
, it is a globally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
fact that exercise can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reducing blood pressure and glucose, which can
be considered
as the root of all diseases. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does exercise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in removing toxins out of the body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the proper functioning of all organs, which are vital to maintain a healthy body.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to us that leading a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
for us, in the long run.

In conclusion
, diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
are the main reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
.
Still
, there are millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worldwide who does not follow them and feel sick. Measures need to
be taken
to educate individuals about the importance of maintaining a healthy diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. what do you think are the reasons for this and how can it be solved? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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