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The growing number of overweight people is putting a stain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with the problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

The growing number of overweight people is putting a stain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with the problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 1
Rising fat problems putting a blemish mark on the medical field in terms of dealing with human health challenges and a large proportion of people thinks that school plays an important part to face the issue by promoting the somatic culture. This essay agrees that fat problem is increasing and creating problems to the human being. Firstly, this essay will discuss the importance of a school for any individual and secondly, it will discuss the motivation to work in a group. To commence with the statement, institutes are the one of the best and easy way to learn and gain knowledge. Education institutes not only gives the theory and practical knowledge, however, also plays an important role in terms of moral and physical education. Most of the educational institutions have mandatory sports lessons in their curriculum and presence of quality teachers with the expert trainers and they can promote the physical education better than others, by giving extra grade facilities, which will directly result in the encouragement of fitness in the students. For instance, Virat Kohli the captain of the Indian cricket squad has been so healthy, but his dedication towards sports and physical education helped him to became one of the greatest cricketer of all time. Hence, to get rid of this serious health issue school can play an important role. Also, functioning in a group gives motivation as well as increases competition. In short, college is comprised of thousand of students and if, all will work together, it will not only make them united as well as resulting in good competition and for sure it may produce better talent. Because, working in a team is always more interesting and competitive. For example, a football team can win any trophy only when all the members of the team will perform. Hence, to increase healthy competition and skills, a large amount of people is required, which can only find in institutions. In conclusion, academic institutions are the best learning and motivating place to study and learn new things easily. I believe that they could play a major role to fight against health issues and the promotion of exercise.
Rising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
problems putting a blemish mark on the medical field in terms of dealing with human health challenges and a large proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part to face the issue by promoting the somatic culture. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
problem is increasing and creating problems to the human being.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss the importance of a school for any individual and
secondly
, it will discuss the motivation to work in a group.

To commence with the statement, institutes are the one of the best and easy way to learn and gain knowledge.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
institutes not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
gives the theory and practical knowledge,
however
,
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in terms of moral and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Most of the educational institutions have mandatory sports lessons in their curriculum and presence of quality teachers with the expert
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
trainers and
they can promote the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
better than others, by giving extra grade facilities, which will
directly
result in the encouragement of fitness in the students.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Virat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kohli
the captain of the Indian cricket squad has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
healthy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his dedication towards sports and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
him to became one of the greatest cricketer of all time.
Hence
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of this serious health issue school can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role.

Also
, functioning in a group gives motivation
as well
as increases competition. In short, college
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of" or "is composed of"?
is comprised of
thousand of students and if, all will work together, it will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them united
as well
as resulting in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
competition and for sure it may produce better talent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, working in a team is always more interesting and competitive.
For example
, a football team can win any trophy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
when all the members of the team will perform.
Hence
, to increase healthy competition and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, a large amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is required
, which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
find in institutions.

In conclusion
, academic institutions are the best learning and motivating place to study and learn new things
easily
. I believe that they could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a major role to fight against health issues and the promotion of exercise.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting a stain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with the problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
358 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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