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In many countries, it is becoming less common for people to look after elderly relatives themselves. Instead, the care is provided by professionals. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v.1

In many countries, it is becoming less common for people to look after elderly relatives themselves. Instead, the care is provided by professionals. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 1
Undoubtedly, in the 21st century, the care of the elderly population is taken by health care professionals, and this practice has become more prevalent than in the past, especially in resource-rich countries. In contrast, the care provided by relatives has decreased. In my opinion, this is a favorable development. In today’s world, the younger generation has less time to look after their old parents because of their hectic work schedules and cut-throat competition to earn a significant amount of money. The younger people usually forsake their old parents if they are sick, dependent on others for their daily needs such as bathing, feeding, taking medications, and attending doctor’s appointments. These frail older people eventually become a burden on their kids, and this feeling can create dire problems such as elder abuse and neglect. Some younger people who manage their sick and old parents at homes usually worry about their parent’s safety and wellbeing when they are at work. For the reasons mentioned above, it is very crucial to have professionals to look after the elderly. Nowadays, there are many skilled nursing facilities and old age homes supported by the governments, and these facilities are equipped with modern age technologies and health care professionals, who can take good care of older adults. These trained professionals can provide twenty-four-hour services like medications, feeding, and even entertaining old and sick individuals. Additionally, in old age homes, people can play games with co-residents and enjoy their last days of life with dignity and happiness without being a burden on their kids. To summarize, the care of elderly individuals taken by professionals in a positive development for both the elderly and their relatives.
Undoubtedly
, in the 21st century, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
population
is taken
by health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, and this practice has become more prevalent than in the past,
especially
in resource-rich countries.
In contrast
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
provided by relatives has decreased. In my opinion, this is a favorable development.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, the younger generation has less time to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their hectic work schedules and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat competition to earn a significant amount of money.

The younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
forsake their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
if they are sick, dependent on others for their daily needs such as bathing, feeding, taking medications, and attending doctor’s appointments. These frail older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eventually
become a burden on their kids, and this feeling can create dire problems such as elder abuse and neglect.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who manage their sick and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at homes
usually
worry about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
safety and
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
when they are at work.

For the reasons mentioned above, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to look after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
. Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
skilled nursing facilities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age homes supported by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
, and these facilities
are equipped
with modern age technologies and health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, who can take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of older adults. These trained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
can provide twenty-four-hour services like medications, feeding, and even entertaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and sick individuals.
Additionally
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
age homes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can play games with co-residents and enjoy their last days of life with dignity and happiness without being a burden on their kids.

To summarize
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
individuals taken by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
and their relatives.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, it is becoming less common for people to look after elderly relatives themselves. Instead, the care is provided by professionals. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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