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In many countries, life expectancy is increasing, thereby forcing people to work hard for their retirement benefits. There is an alternative option saying that people should be working earlier in their younger years. Is this a positive or negative develop v.2

In many countries, life expectancy is increasing, thereby forcing people to work hard for their retirement benefits. There is an alternative option saying that people should be working earlier in their younger years. Is this a positive or negative develop v. 2
The worldwide increase in the average life expectancy of people has resulted in many individuals working until they reach their elderly years to pay for their retirement. Nevertheless, there are those who put forward the idea of getting employed at an earlier age as an alternative to this, which I believe to be highly beneficial to the working population, companies, and the entire nation. In most cases, having a job at a younger age is extremely advantageous to individuals. This allows them to be employed during their most generative years and obtain valuable work experience and marketable skills much earlier in life. In effect, these people achieve greater career success and accumulate wealth ahead of others, enabling them to retire before they get too old to enjoy their retirement. This practice is also of great help to companies. Compared to older ones, younger employees are arguably more productive, motivated, enthusiastic, and goal-oriented. These individuals can provide new ideas, come up with ingenious solutions, and bring fresh perspectives to the establishments they work for, ultimately leading to improved productivity and financial gains in various industries. Although it is customary for people to keep on working until they reach the age of retirement, this has proven to be seriously detrimental to governments. Having an aged labor force has been associated with greater employment competition and higher unemployment rates, which can weaken a nation’s economy. On the contrary, the robust increases in economic growth seen in many developing countries today have been broadly linked by experts to having younger professionals recruited into the workforce. On the whole, being employed earlier instead of working until one ages is clearly an attractive option. Such practice can produce many favorable outcomes, which can substantially benefit individuals, businesses, and communities.
The worldwide increase in the average life expectancy of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
until they reach their elderly years to pay for their retirement.
Nevertheless
, there are those who put forward the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of getting employed at an earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
as an alternative to this, which I believe to be
highly
beneficial to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
population,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, and the entire nation.

In most cases
, having a job at a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is
extremely
advantageous to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
be employed
during their most generative years and obtain valuable work experience and marketable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
much earlier in life. In effect, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
achieve greater career success and accumulate wealth ahead of others, enabling them to retire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
to enjoy their retirement.

This practice is
also
of great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "company".
companies
. Compared to older ones, younger employees are
arguably
more productive, motivated, enthusiastic, and goal-oriented. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
can provide new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with ingenious solutions, and bring fresh perspectives to the establishments they work for,
ultimately
leading to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
productivity and financial gains in various industries.

Although it is customary for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
until they reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of retirement, this has proven to be
seriously
detrimental to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. Having an aged labor force has
been associated
with greater employment competition and higher unemployment rates, which can weaken a nation’s economy.
On the contrary
, the robust increases in economic growth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have been
broadly
linked by experts to having younger professionals recruited into the workforce.

On the whole
,
being employed
earlier
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
until one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
is
clearly
an attractive option. Such practice can produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
favorable outcomes, which can
substantially
benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, businesses, and communities.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, life expectancy is increasing, thereby forcing people to work hard for their retirement benefits. There is an alternative option saying that people should be working earlier in their younger years. Is this a positive or negative develop v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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