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Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. v.2

Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. v. 2
As a human culture heritage, art not only combines people’s wisdom and creativity, but also represents the unique tradition. Therefore, in order to pass it on, the purity and uniqueness of art should be preserved well. Government is responsible to give the financial support, especially for those art full of historical value. The truth is same with sports. The meaning of Olympic teams has been more than the original goal of keeping fit and accumulating strength. the prosperous sports of a nation marks the whole level of and the comprehensive ability of the nation. Therefore art and sports both should be supported financially by governments. First of all, the support from government is conducive to protecting the traditional art formation. Nowadays, due to the ignorance of young people, many heritages our ancestors left are facing dangers. Take Chinese paintings as an example. Although Chinese paintings possesses thousands of years of history, young artists express more passion for modern art formation. Many art school even cancelled the courses concerning traditional Chinese paintings. If financial support was given, some young artists may start to engage in this kind of traditional art formation, subsequently more Chinese paintings exhibitions may attract people’s attention. In this way, it might get people’s attention again. Once a certain art formation is bought to the limelight, its value will be acknowledged by more people, and youngsters will tend to start to cherish the hidden essences and provide their own support. Besides, if more foundations were built, the national art will have the opportunity to be accepted by the whole world. Great artists or groups will get supported to go on a world show tour. They will take advantage of these international tours to spread the essences and value of the art and get them understood by foreigners. Once a certain art formation gained the reputation abroad, its impact will stretched out. Peking opera is a good example. If this culture treasure could perform in other nations, it will be the window through which outer world know the uniqueness of Chinese culture and Chinese value. In the same way, money spent in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams by government benefits athletics and the nation. With the financial support from government, coaches and athletics can possess better training instruments. Higher pay can also improve athletics’ life and health conditions. Apart from these, setting up a more scientific and developed sports competitive system helps cultivate potential members who can get gold medals in international competition such as Olympics, obtaining honor for the nation and their families. So the international image of the nation enhanced enormously. Those essences hidden in the different art formations are supposed to be acknowledged by the public. The involves support from government. Only with an energetic and efficient national support system was built and developed, art and sports will be acknowledged and supported by all the people.
As a human culture heritage,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
combines
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
wisdom and creativity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
represents the unique tradition.
Therefore
, in order to pass it on, the purity and uniqueness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
should
be preserved
well.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
is responsible to give the financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
,
especially
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
full of historical value. The truth is same with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. The meaning of Olympic teams has been more than the original goal of keeping fit and accumulating strength.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
marks the whole level of and the comprehensive ability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
both should
be supported
financially
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is conducive to protecting the traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formation
. Nowadays, due to the ignorance of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
heritages our ancestors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
are facing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
. Take Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paintings
as an example. Although Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paintings
possesses thousands of years of history, young artists express more passion for modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
school even cancelled the courses concerning traditional Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paintings
. If financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young artists may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to engage in this kind of traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formation
,
subsequently
more Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paintings
exhibitions may attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attention. In this way, it might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attention again. Once a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formation
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
to the limelight, its value will
be acknowledged
by more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and youngsters will tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to cherish the hidden essences and provide their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
support.

Besides
, if more foundations
were built
, the national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
will have the opportunity to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by the whole world. Great artists or groups will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
supported to go on a world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
tour. They will take advantage of these international tours to spread the essences and value of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them understood by foreigners. Once a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formation
gained the reputation abroad, its impact will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "stretch"
stretched
out.
The genitive is possibly missing.
Peking opera
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example. If this culture treasure could perform in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, it will be the window through which outer world know the uniqueness of Chinese culture and Chinese value.

In the same way
, money spent in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
benefits athletics and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
. With the financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, coaches and athletics can possess better training instruments. Higher pay can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
athletics’ life and health conditions. Apart from these, setting up a more scientific and developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitive system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
cultivate potential members who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
gold medals in international competition such as Olympics, obtaining honor for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
and their families.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the international image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
enhanced
enormously
.

Those essences hidden in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formations
are supposed
to
be acknowledged
by the public. The involves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
with an energetic and efficient national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
system
was built
and developed,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will
be acknowledged
and supported by all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Governments should spend more money in support of arts than in support of athletics such as state-sponsored Olympic teams. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
483 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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