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In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of labour. Some people regard this completely wrong while others consider it valuable and important for learning and enabling them to be responsible v.2

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of labour. Some people regard this completely wrong while others consider it valuable and important for learning and enabling them to be responsible v. 2
No one can debate about the importance of work in man' s life. However, the dispute is about what proper time for that, as many people think that the occupation in early age always comes with its drawbacks. I think the children who engaged in work would earn a lot of benefits. Considering the valuable merits which are accompanied with working of youths, one of these values is taking the responsibilities and self-dependence. As well as exerting in tough circumstances, young people will learn how to stand with competitive and aggressive environment. Moreover, they could catch that how they survive in any hard challenges that they would face. Consequently, they will gain a real practice about the actual life' s burdens that they might confront. For instance, one of my relative used to work since his childhood. As a result, he acknowledged about a lot of his career secrets so that he became tremendously successful businessman, otherwise, many of people who rely on their parents throughout their early stages struggle in the practical life after their graduation. On the other hand, laboring in sooner steps may come with numerous hazards. Sequentially, many adolescents would be distracted of their education. Thus, they may fail in achieving the progress in their schools which is highly critical to guarantee a high quality life. Despite of education, the exposure to money in early years would have a risky impact on them. For example, in very poor countries where people are obligated to work from their start, we could see many young-aged worker who deviated from their objectives and they got engaged in criminal activities like drug dealing or abusing. In conclusion, the advantages of work chiefly from childhood are undeniable. Nevertheless, the disadvantages are logical to take into consideration, the supervision and guidance of our kids could minimize these issues. I think the profits that we could obtain outweigh the problems.
No one can debate about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
man&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, the dispute is about what proper time for that, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the occupation in early age always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its drawbacks. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the children who engaged in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
would earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits.

Considering the valuable merits which are
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompanied by".
accompanied with
working of youths, one of these values is taking the responsibilities and self-dependence.
As well
as exerting in tough circumstances, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will learn how to stand with competitive and aggressive environment.
Moreover
, they could catch that how they survive in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
challenges that they would face.
Consequently
, they will gain a real practice about the actual
Possible spelling mistake found.
life&
#039; s burdens that they might confront.
For instance
, one of my relative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
since his childhood.
As a result
, he acknowledged about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
his career secrets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he became
tremendously
successful businessman,
otherwise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who rely on their parents throughout their early stages struggle in the practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
after their graduation.

On the other hand
, laboring in sooner steps may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with numerous hazards.
Sequentially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adolescents would
be distracted
of their education.
Thus
, they may fail in achieving the progress in their schools which is
highly
critical to guarantee a high quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
education, the exposure to money in early years would have a risky impact on them.
For example
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor countries where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are obligated
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young-aged worker who deviated from their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
objectives and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
engaged in criminal activities like drug dealing or abusing.

In conclusion
, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
chiefly
from childhood are undeniable.
Nevertheless
, the disadvantages are logical to take into consideration, the supervision and guidance of our kids could minimize these issues. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the profits that we could obtain outweigh the problems.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of labour. Some people regard this completely wrong while others consider it valuable and important for learning and enabling them to be responsible v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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