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In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do u agree or disagree v.2

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. some people think that the government should have the responsibility. 2
Nowadays, in some countries, many children are applying a detrimental lifestyle, eventually, turned to overweight. Many people argue that this is the responsibility of the government. This essay will discuss why the government should not be responsible for this phenomenon. To begin with, instead of the government, the most influential people for children are their parents. A house is a place that children spend much time on it. Therefore, parents should be able to take the children's responsibility. For instance, parents can control their diet and enjoin the children that they should avoid junk diet. Also, parents can restrict their tuition to their children. Thus, they cannot buy a meal carelessly. Rather than destitute children, parents should entice their children do some sports and make some of them join some competition. Moreover, the school is considered to be a student's second home. Children spent their half weekdays at school. In school, the one who kept the eyes of the student is the teacher. When children do not want to do some sports, teachers have to rebuke with them and encourage them to do some exercises. The principle also needs to be responsible because he controls the canteen and the teachers. The principle can make some rules that there is no instant food and try to extend their time to do the sport and injected them into the competition. In conclusion, the government does not participate in guarding children's lifestyles. However, parents and teachers need to pay their attention to the children and prevent them from unhealthy cooking and an immoral lifestyle.
Nowadays, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are applying a detrimental lifestyle,
eventually
, turned to overweight.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that this is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. This essay will discuss why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not be responsible for this phenomenon.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
instead
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, the most influential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
is a place that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend much time on it.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be able to take the children's responsibility.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can control their diet and enjoin the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they should avoid junk diet.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can restrict their tuition to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Thus
, they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a meal
carelessly
.
Rather
than destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should entice their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
competition.

Moreover
, the school
is considered
to be a student's second home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
spent their half weekdays at school. In school, the one who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
the eyes of the student is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not want to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rebuke with them and encourage them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercises. The principle
also
needs to be responsible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he controls the canteen and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. The principle can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that there is no instant food and try to extend their time to do the sport and injected them into the competition.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does not participate in guarding children's lifestyles.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
need to pay their attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from unhealthy cooking and an immoral lifestyle.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. some people think that the government should have the responsibility. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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